2011 CMA Awards: Brad Paisley & Country's Funny Quotes

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Mark Humphrey/AP

"Oh sorry! Didn't mean to touch you there."
– Brad Paisley, accidentally fondling presenter Miss Piggy's bosom

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Jason Kempin/WireImage

"It's always good to come home ... and see all my relatives."
– Reese Witherspoon, on her Nashville homecoming, before presenting male vocalist of the year to Blake Shelton

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Mark Humphrey/AP

"It's just hard not to sing every song. It's hard not to go, 'Hey, Lionel ... [sings] Hello? You're a Commodore, man!'"
– Gary LeVox, gushing over Lionel Richie, with whom Rascal Flatts performed "Dancing on the Ceiling" during the CMT pre-show

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Todd Williamson/WireImage; Byron Purvis/AdMedia

"Look at Blake and Miranda: 179 days – that's like two forevers!"
– Brad Paisley, comparing newlyweds Shelton and Lambert to Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

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Terry Wyatt /UPI/Landov

"I don't know where he's at. So I brought my other date: Jack Daniel's."
– Kellie Pickler, on the absence of husband Kyle Jacobs during the CMT pre-show

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Frederick Breedon IV/FilmMagic

Carrie: "You can get drunk and carry on."
Brad: "But you can't compare the president to Hitler."
– CMA hosts Carrie Underwood and Paisley, reprimanding Hank Williams Jr.'s TV interview faux pas, during their opening monologue

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Tami Chappell/Reuters/Landov

"I would look forward, if I was a viewer, to me tripping Kenny as he comes out on the stage. And be like, 'I told you b–h!'"
– Blake Shelton, on his faux rivalry with Kenny Loggins, with whom he performed "Footloose" during the CMT pre-show

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Evan Agostini/AP

"I hate to admit this, but I don't work out. Don't hate me!"
– American Idol alum Lauren Alaina, telling PEOPLE how she dropped 25 lbs. by eating healthy

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Norman Scott/Startraks

"It's called, 'It Ain't My Baby, Baby'!"
– a Bieber-costumed Little Jimmy Dickens, alluding to the pop star's paternity scandal

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Tami Chappell/Landov

"Congrats to my hubby, too. It's going to be a good night tonight, baby!"
– Miranda Lambert, congratulating husband Blake Shelton during her acceptance speech for female vocalist of the year

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