Jessa and Ben Seewald's Relationship Dos and Don'ts
The newlyweds share what they've learned about making love work
Duggar exclusive! Jessa and Ben Seewald open up about date nights, first fights, and their decision to adopt. Subscribe now for instant access to their at home interview, only in PEOPLE.
What could a young couple only married three months – and counting – teach you about relationships? You just might be surprised.
“Ben is the best for sure at saying ‘Sweetheart, we need to talk about this’ if he senses I am irritated or upset about something,” says Jessa Seewald, 22, the fifth-born of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s 19 kids, stars of TLC’s hit reality show 19 Kids & Counting, which airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m.
“It’s important not to turn away,” she says.
Ben, 19, also has some words of wisdom beyond his years.
“The most important thing is humility and putting the other person first,” he says. “I try to make that my perspective – I’m here to serve her and help her. What can I do to make her life easier?”
In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE at their home in Springdale, Arkansas, the newest Seewalds have much more to share on what they’ve learned – and say they are learning.
DO: TALK IT THROUGH
“It’s important not to build walls or turn away from hard topics,” says Jessa. “Not like, ‘I am going to take my feelings and close off from you and build a little wall there.’ The ‘I’m-going-to-show-you attitude’ really hurts. It’s always best to open up and talk about things.”
DON’T: YELL OR SCREAM
While yelling is “not the tendency” in the Seewald home, Jessa says, she also cautions that not being willing to talk about an issue can be problematic.
“Clamming up is just as bad [as yelling], she says.
“We have been thinking about finances a lot lately,” says Ben, who says he and Jessa want to avoid getting into debt and try not to waste money.
In addition to Duggar-type bargain hunting – Jim Bob and Michelle have often discussed their goal to “buy used and save the difference” on their show – Ben insists that giving money away is also important to the couple.
“If God blesses us with money, we want to find ways to give it to others who need help,” he says.
DON’T: SKIP DATE NIGHT
Jessa says that Ben takes her out on date nights “sometimes twice a week” to romantic dinners or trips to the local ice cream parlor.
“Dates are investing in our marriage,” Ben says. “That’s a good way to spend our money.”
For more of Jessa and Ben Seewald’s newlywed dos and don’ts – and the latest on Jill and Derick Dillard’s birth plans – pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday