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January 09, 2017 05:46 PM

Lindsay Lohan isn’t the only person who confronted rumors being spread about her (though she is one of the few to write a song about it.)

Seventeen people took to Reddit to share the craziest rumors they’ve ever heard about themselves.

1. “When I was in high school, I made out with a girl who knew one of my best friends. I found out a few days later, from my friend, that the girl was telling people we had slept together, and that I was apparently really good.”

2. “I started working in a kitchen, and every time I would walk in, someone would turn off the ceiling fan and everyone would be suspiciously quiet with their pots and pans. Turns out, the boss convinced them that I was some super secret soldier friend of his who came back with shell shock. Ceiling fans remind me of choppers and loud noises will send me into a rage. It was hilarious because I’m the most laid-back, passive person ever.”

3. “I got tackle-hugged by the 300 lb. guy who taught me how to fix Xerox copiers. He had heard one of his ex-students died, and he thought it was me, so when he saw me on the street he was stoked. Pretty sweet considering it was only a two-week class.”

4. “After just two days of eighth grade, I had E. coli that landed me in [the] ICU for six weeks. The rumors spread like crazy about what happened. Some said I was I was poisoned, others thought I had stomach cancer. At the varsity football game, the announcer asked for prayers as he told everyone I wasn’t expected to make it through the night. No doubt, I was really sick. But my favorite was that I was airlifted to Florida to have a stomach transplant. Since no human stomachs were available, it was a cow’s stomach that would be transplanted.”

5. “I heard a rumor when I was 16 that I had slept with some boy at my school. He had been telling everyone all about our supposed night of loving. So I went along with it and told people he called out his mom’s name and wanted me to spank him and call him a ‘naughty boy.’ I went so far as to say that when we were done, he asked if he could lick my toe. Best revenge ever.”

6. “I fell out of a balcony, and later that week, I got a message from a friend in London asking if it was true that I was pushed out of the window of a girl’s apartment.”

7. “When I was in high school, I burned my wrist while taking a pizza out of the oven, so I had to wear a bandage for a few days for it to heal. Some girl that was in my French class told people that I tried to kill myself. She also asked me ‘DID YOU COMMIT SUICIDE?!?!’ at one point. Yes, I committed suicide and I’m dead now. That’s why I’m sitting here.”

8. “I was in a fraternity but wasn’t active in it at all, so my junior year the pledges had no clue who I was. A few of my friends told the pledges I was crazy, and if I ever came around, they needed to cater to my every whim or else I would make their lives a living hell. Near the end of the year I stopped by one of our parties. As soon as I told my name to a pledge, his eyes got wide as hell and said, ‘Holy s— … uh … can I get you a beer? Are you hungry?’ John just ran to the cafeteria to get some food; I could call him and tell him to get you whatever you want.’ After the third or fourth time a pledge acted this way towards me I asked what was going on, and my friend told me they were all scared to death of me, which was hilarious because I’m super laid-back. But I let them think I was crazy for the rest of the night before I cleared it up. It was nice getting waited on hand and foot for a bit.”

9. “I had a week off school because ‘I was run over by a milk float.’ Thank you, older brother…”

10. “My last year in high school, there was a rumor that I was dating older women for cash. I started to work out and wear clothes that fit me better, and somehow people concluded that my transformation from ugly duck to not-so-ugly swan had something to do with an older woman paying me for sex. More than one teacher tried to help me to ‘get out of this life.’ God bless them.”

11. “I’ve had multiple friends independently come to the conclusion that I’m gay. One of them right after congratulating me on my new girlfriend.”

12. “When I was 13, people thought I was dating a 17-year-old cheerleader. A kid saw me going into her house a couple times a week and sometimes in the yard together. The truth: Our moms were friends, and my mom hired the cheerleader to tutor me because I’m bad at math.”

13. “I saw in an online forum thread that apparently I’ve taken up pizza baking as my new career.”

14. “I visited Samoa in 2009 while a tsunami hit. A friend back home spread a rumor throughout our school that I was swept by the wave and broke both of my legs and almost died. Supposedly two people cried for me.”

15. “People online have called me ‘a fat American neckbeard living in my mom’s basement.’ I’m a skinny Asian girl and my mom doesn’t even have a basement!”

16. “I heard that I worked at an ice cream shop. I did not. I had no job. Working at an ice cream shop sounds cool, though.”

All posts have been edited from Reddit for length and clarity.

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