It’s wedding season! That means expensive dresses and/or suits for the various parties, wild reception shenanigans and hopefully, everlasting love.
Or in some cases, just the first two. Just in time for that destination wedding you shelled out $500 on airfare towards, plus the tux/dress, plus the gift here are the 16 things Redditors witnessed at a wedding that convinced them the union they were there to celebrate just wasn’t meant to last.
1. There was this woman walking around during the reception placing bets on when they would divorce. I later found out she was the mother of the groom.
2. During the vows they had written for each other, the bride starts with "I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around, but that’s all going to change starting today!"
3. She flinched when he turned to kiss her.
4. The bride had the minister put "Til death, or divorce, do us part" into the ceremony.
5. My cousin (the bride) told us, as she was going from table to table thanking the guests, that she didn’t think it would last. We were stunned.
6. My sister’s new husband made out with a bridesmaid on the dance floor at the reception.
7. At the end of the reception the guys are sitting at a table away from everyone else talking and we ask the groom why he proposed. His answer? "Because she was naked."
8. Groom got so drunk at the reception he passed out in the honeymoon suite by himself, but not before he latched the door so it couldn’t be unlocked from the outside. Seeing the bride kicking the door and hollering at the top of her lungs to be let in at 3 a.m. was not encouraging.
9. The groom invited his female friend, she was in the early stages of pregnancy. Towards the end of the night, the bride asked aforementioned friend who the father was. The friend cheerfully said the groom’s name.
10. Dude said the wrong name at the altar.
11. The bride got blackout drunk and asked me to kill her husband. He was busy fighting one of his groomsmen in the other room.
12. The groom would not stop crying. He cried through the entire ceremony and most of the reception.
13. They were friends of mine who dated for nearly two years before their wedding. He loved her more than she loved him, obvious to all our friends, and we suspected she begrudgingly said yes to his proposal.
He said his vows first and went on and on about loving her for the rest of his life. During hers, she started with "438 days… that’s how long I’ve loved you." It seemed sweet until she ended her vows with, "And I promise to love you for at least 438 more." Most thought nothing of it and some friends called me a dick for saying it was a subconscious sign she wasn’t in it for the long haul.
She left him exactly that amount of days after the wedding with a note that said "I kept my vow to love you for 438 days more, but I can’t for a single day more."
14. "I’ve been planning this wedding since I was eight!" it was her second marriage.
15. When my new wife’s uncle and his son threw 200 live crickets into the front seat of our car as we got in it to leave the reception. 200 live crickets. They thought it was hilarious. My groomsmen had to drag me into the reception hall to keep me from going after them/having a meltdown on camera. My wife was covered in crickets. They threw them into the car on her side. I had already helped her in and was in the driver’s seat myself.
They motioned for her to open the door, acting like she had forgotten something. Then WHAM, big box of live crickets dumped on her head and lap. Took weeks to get the smell out of the car. We had to take her parent’s car to the airport for the honeymoon and leave it with them to get detailed. Still found crickets coming out of the air vents when we returned from the honeymoon a week later.
16. The bride came creeping up to my brother and handed him a note detailing how much she loved him and if he wanted her all he had to do was object when the time came. He handed the note off the the groom’s sister and we left before the ceremony began.
Entries have been edited for length and clarity