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April 07, 2016 04:00 PM

So you just started dating someone. You like him a lot and neither of you have farted around the other yet. You’re still shaving above the knees. You still get a feeling in your stomach when you see that he texted you. Basically, things are going very well and they’re progressing quite quickly.

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Not to be a buzzkill, but you should be looking for certain red flags before you dive into something more serious. If any of these signs emerge, run in the opposite direction.

1. He likes Goldfish more than Cheez-Its.

That. Is. Simply. Insane. Fact: Cheez-Its are packed with more bold cheese flavor.

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2. He watches The Big Bang Theory every week.

This is not okay, and you deserve better.

3. He’s grossed out by your period.

HOW NICE IT MUST BE TO HAVE THE LUXURY OF BEING GROSSED OUT BY MENSTRUATION.

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4. He corrects people’s grammar on the Internet.

Wow, you look soooooOooooOooo smart. This is such a productive use of your energies and intellect.

5. He doesn’t understand the appeal of mac and cheese.

“Oh yeah, well I don’t understand the appeal of YOU” is what you should tell him.

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6. He thinks it’s chill to leave your room messier than it was when he entered it.

Remove the Pringles from the bed, sir.

7. He refers to his parents as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ in anecdotes instead of as ‘my mom’ and ‘my dad.’

You two are not siblings.

8. He follows at least 10 fitness-oriented Instagram accounts.

Rude.

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9. He’s never introduced you to his friends.

Which is nuts because you’re cool! It also begs the question: Does he have friends??

10. He tells you you’re going to get cancer for drinking Diet Coke.

My body, my choice.

11. He licks your gums when you kiss.

Get outta there!

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12. He hasn’t kissed you at all.

Maybe things are moving a little too slow?

13. He doesn’t think it’s cute when you text him in Kimoji.

Ugh.

14. He’s not on Snapchat.

What is he trying to hide? How are you supposed to be in a relationship if you don’t know where he is/what his face looks like at all times?

15. He says stuff like, ‘Hey, I don’t think I’m ready to date,’ and ‘You’re cool, but I hate commitment.’

Byeeeeeee.

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