"No, I'm not adopting a Mexican child. Adam Sandler adopted four last week and that never even got mentioned."
– Jennifer Aniston, using her Just Go with It costar to deflect adoption rumors, on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
"BTW, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bullsh--....?"
– Charlie Sheen, on the media storm surrounding his most recent troubles, including returning to rehab, via text to E! News
"We have to have playdates with the kids!"
– An expectant Natalie Portman, sharing the joys of motherhood with fellow new mom Nicole Kidman, on the SAG Awards red carpet
"We are done now. I think four [kids] to look after is plenty. We aren't like Angelina and Brad."
– Heidi Klum, who's still hot for husband Seal – but not more children, to the UK Daily Mail
"Let me explain, you foreigners: You do not punch Anderson Cooper – you punch Snooki. That's how we do it here. You keep your dirty hands off our silver fox."
– Jimmy Kimmel, stepping up for the CNN correspondent who was attacked by a group of protestors while reporting in Egypt, on his late show
"A little too much situation here."
– Modern Family's Sofia Vergara, joking about the low-cut neckline of her SAG Awards dress, to PEOPLE
"That was more skin than I show at the beach. I'm usually the girl in the long poncho."
– Rachael Ray, on wearing a skimpy red dress designed by DWTS costume designer Randall Christensen on her show, to PEOPLE
"Step away from the baby room."
– Carey Hart, coming to his expectant wife Pink's rescue after she unsuccessfully tried to put together a crib, on Twitter
"No one has ever thanked their in-laws on public television. I had friends coming up to me, in the middle of the ceremony after my speech saying, 'You realize you ruined it for all of us.'"
– SAG Award winner Julianna Margulies, who thanked her husband's parents for producing "a superior person" during her acceptance speech, on Ellen
"I'm the real Mark Zuckerberg!"
– Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, coming face to face with Jesse Eisenberg, who portrayed him in The Social Network, on Saturday Night Live
Last Week's 10 Best Celeb Quotes >
