File this under things you never thought you’d hear: The Brady Bunch‘s Florence Henderson saying the words “bong,” “Xanax” and “pornographic.”
Reading aloud from the new “grown-up picture book” Hurts Like a Mother: A Cautionary Alphabet, by authors Jennifer Weiss and Lauren Franklin, the famously squeaky-clean TV matriarch describes how 26 modern moms are driven to drink, drugs and even death, as she takes listeners on an A-Z journey through the perils of parenting.
The book, due out Tuesday, is a parody of Edward Gorey’s morbid classic The Gashlycrumb Tinies.[soundcloud url="https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/256529137" params="visual=true&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false" width="100%" height="450" iframe="true" /]
Hurts Like a Mother leans on dark humor to recount child-care-related horror stories like “Coordinating car pools made Dee pop a Xanax,” “Kelly slit her wrist chopping apples for a snack,” and “Ruby died of shame; her son’s text? Pornographic!”
It’s more than enough to make Mrs. Brady blush!