May 16, 2018 09:58 PM

Almost a year after welcoming son, Caiden Zane, with husband, Ryan Lochte, Kayla Rae Reid, is sharing her battle with postpartum depression.

While hesitant to discuss what she was going through at first, Reid says she wanted to help others by telling her story just as she had been helped by hearing stories from moms who also had similar experiences.

“Hearing other people’s stories gave me so much hope in myself, and to not give up,” Reid says in a video, entitled My Journey with PPD: Postpartum Depression, which she posted on YouTube Wednesday.

“[It] gave me perseverance to just continue waking up each day, and you know saying that, ‘I will get through this.'”

Kayla Rae Reid
Kayla Rae Reid /Youtube

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Reid, who first realized she had postpartum depression around the time her baby boy was three-months-old, says she had “physical” changes. “I was so exhausted, and it was to the point where I just wanted to sleep all day long,” explains Reid. “I did not want to wake up. I would be like, ‘I can’t wait until night time, so I can go back to bed and just lay there.'”

“I also was just questioning – I don’t know – my life, I guess,” Reid shares, adding that she went to the grocery store one time and just remembered feeling like everyone was “living a life” and hers “was on pause.”

“I was dead inside,” Reid candidly recalls. “It makes me so sad because you don’t want to feel like that because you just gave birth to something. You know you are their everything, and everything you do is for them. I don’t know why I felt like that, but I did.”

In addition, Reid says she felt constantly overwhelmed and felt as though she “couldn’t handle anything.”

Reid also reveals that she even took placenta pills in hopes of potentially avoiding the “baby blues.” “They didn’t work for me because I did not take them religiously,” she explained. “And I wish I would have just because I could have made some sort of a difference.”

RELATED: Alanis Morissette Reveals Battle with Crippling Postpartum Depression That Took Hold Seconds After Daughter’s Birth

Nearly one year later since having her little one, Reid still doesn’t necessarily think she’s “overcome” postpartum depression. “I still have good days and bad days,” she admits.

“I have way more good days, and I actually see life as worth living, and I did not all,” Reid continues. “And that just blows my mind to say that, but I really didn’t.”

But she says she is starting to get back on track now that she is taking antidepressants and also getting vitamin B12 injections.

“I am so anti-medication, but everybody was just like, ‘You should probably consider medication because we don’t want to see you like this’… And I didn’t want to live like that any longer,” she shares.

“So I did my research and talked to my doctor, and he prescribed me Zoloft, which I am still currently on.”

“I think it gave me a little bit of my motivation back,” shares Reid, who adds that it took her three months on the medication before she started “seeing a change.”

RELATED VIDEO: Ryan Lochte Shares First Photos of Son Caiden Zane

Along with medication, Reid also joined an online support group to help her, which ultimately led her to figure out that she had postpartum depression.

Ryan Lochte and Kayla Rae Reid

RELATED: Chrissy Teigen Admits That She’s Worried About Experiencing Postpartum Depression Again

“That was exciting for me to label myself with something [and] feeling like I wasn’t alone.”

Lastly, the new mom is also focusing on her fitness. “I could not get my ass up because I was just so in my sunken hole that I did not want to do anything,” shared Reid. “I didn’t even want to leave the house. I would rather not even step outside. If I would go outside, it would be on my patio and I would just sit there. I just felt like a bump on the log for sure.”

 

While it has been tough, Reid says she is not letting her PPD dissuade her from having more children with her Olympian partner down the track.

However, Reid admits that she’s “absolutely terrified.” “I just don’t ever want to be in that place ever again,” she says. “So, I don’t know. It scares me, but I feel like I have to be strong, and say that I will be so much more thankful in the future if I have children and just kind of suck it up.”

Reid and the 12-time Olympic gold medalist, who tied the knot in January, welcomed their baby boy on June 8 last year with Caiden Zane weighing 7 lbs., 14 oz., and measuring 22 inches long.

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