Vince Bucci/Invision for the Television Academy/AP
August 25, 2014 09:05 PM

Why is Academy Award winner and golden boy Matthew McConaughey at the Emmys? That’s what Jimmy Kimmel wants to know.

After taking the subway to the awards, Kimmel took to the stage to announce the winner for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. But before he opened the envelope, the ABC TV host gave McConaughey his own mini-roast.

Feeling like the McConaissance had run its course, Kimmel zinged the laid-back True Detective star for his television takeover.

Here are Kimmel’s best shots at the infamous bongo player.

1. On the Dallas Buyers Club actor’s weight gain: “Is that Matthew McConaughey right here? You got so fat since the Oscars. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

2. On why McConaughey doesn’t deserve the Emmy: “Matthew McConaughey doesn’t even own a television. I know for a fact that he traded his television for a conch shell full of weed.”

3. Thinking back to the star’s last big win: “You may well be the best actor, but you won the Oscar like five months ago! No offense, but how many of those speeches of yours are we supposed to sit through? I mean all right, all right, all right already!”

4. On next steps for McConaughey: “Should we give you the BET award for the Best Male Hip-Hop Artist while were at it?”

5. Not even America’s Sweetheart was safe: “I want you and your brother Rooster to pack up your bongos and your patchouli oil and your bong shaped like Willie Nelson’s boot and go to Burning Man, or something, because you don’t belong here. And take Julia Roberts with you while you’re at it.”

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