April 08, 2013 12:00 PM

The “Hey Girl” Hotline

A company has set up a number for fans upset over Ryan Gosling‘s possible acting break. Better therapy? Watching Crazy Stupid Love shirtless scenes in slo-mo.

Phil’s Spring Flop

An Ohio prosecutor indicts Punxsutawney’s prognosticating rodent for lying about an early spring. The Buckeye state: tough on groundhogs.

Tilda Takes a Nap

When Tilda Swinton snoozes in a glass box at a museum, it’s called “performance art.” When you do it on the couch on Sunday, it’s called lazy.

Girl, You Better “Twerk”

A video of Miley Cyrus booty-popping in a unicorn onesie goes viral. Legend has it that twerking is how unicorns originally died out.

Kim, the Pinhead

Kim Kardashian shares a pic of herself getting acupuncture. Kris Humphries has a voodoo doll just like this at home.

Hurricane Harry

The British prince will return to the States in May. The bad news: He’s steering clear of Vegas. The good news: He’s headed to the Jersey Shore!

Kate’s Kiss-Off

S.I. cover girl Kate Upton says she’s “too busy” to accept an L.A. teen’s invitation, destroying the body-painted-prom-dress fantasies of schoolboys everywhere.

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