October 17, 2011 12:00 PM

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ALEXIS STEWART’S NEW BOOK

MARTHA DEAREST

Alexis Stewart has never been especially warm when discussing her famous mom, decorating and entertaining guru Martha Stewart, and she takes the same tell-it-like-it-is attitude in her new book, Whateverland, out this month. It was cowritten with her friend Jennifer Koppelman Hutt (her father is Charles Koppelman, head honcho at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia), with whom she cohosted a Sirius radio show, Whatever with Alexis & Jennifer. The book is a series of life observations but takes aim at Martha, revealing embarrassing childhood memories and personal stories. Don’t expect a family feud to erupt: Alexis, 46, wrote on the dedication page, “Thanks…to my mother for not getting angry about anything written in this book.” Martha herself has taken to Twitter: “It is hilarious, enlightening, and a grand satire on growing up,” she wrote. “Fun to read!”

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES: The potpourri my mother made had a million ingredients in it and used to be everywhere. It made me sick. The smell of cloves especially reminds me of my mother sitting me down with a giant bowl of oranges during the holidays and making me poke cloves into the oranges until my thumbs bled, because cloved oranges made good Christmas gifts.

I GOTTA BE ME: My mother hates my personality. And she’ll really hate me writing this…. She’s always telling me to “Stop doing the shtick.” And I say, “This is not a shtick. It’s just who I am.”

“My mother used to have me wrap my own presents. She would hand me things right before Christmas and say, ‘Now wrap these, but don’t look inside.’ So I didn’t. Because I knew it was never worth looking.”

-ON GIFT GIVING

“I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head….If I didn’t do something perfectly, I had to do it again. So I learned quickly.”

-ON HER CHILDHOOD

“She never had candy for Halloween … We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren’t home, and my mother never had anything but apples and pennies to annoy the children with.”

-ON MARTHA’S HOLIDAY SPIRIT

“I didn’t have people over, because they were going to have to do something like clean out the chicken coop. So I’d try to go to other people’s houses.”

-ON PLAYDATES

IS JESSICA PREGNANT?

If wardrobe choices are any clue, Jessica Simpson, 31, may hold a baby shower before her wedding shower. Simpson, who has said, “I definitely see myself having a family” with fiance Eric Johnson, 32, hasn’t commented on new pregnancy rumors, but during a recent trip to Mexico with sister Ashlee, 27, and Nicole Richie, 30, sources say she sipped Perrier and “covered up the whole weekend in ponchos and oversized blouses.”

MJ Trial: A Who’s Who

MORE THAN TWO YEARS AFTER MICHAEL JACKSON’S SHOCKING DEATH AT AGE 50, THE INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER TRIAL FOR HIS DOCTOR CONRAD MURRAY, 58, HAS BEGUN. FROM LAWYERS AND ASSISTANTS TO BODYGUARDS AND DOCTORS, THE PLOT-AND THE PLAYERS-THICKENS

Michael Pastor

Judge

Normally low-key, Pastor was so angered by a defense attorney’s Today show interview Sept. 30 that he imposed a gag order on all attorneys and their staffs.

Ed Chernoff

Lead defense

“When Murray left the room, Jackson self-administered a dose of propofol that, with the lorazepam, created a perfect storm in his body that killed him instantly,” contends Conrad’s attorney.

Alberto Alvarez

An MJ assistant

Claims Murray put an oxygen-monitoring device on the singer’s finger-after he stopped breathing.

Michael Amir Williams

MJ’s personal assistant

Says Murray wanted to return to Jackson’s house from the ER to hide “a cream that Michael wouldn’t want the world to know about.”

Dr. Richelle Cooper

The ER doctor

Says she allowed paramedics to bring the body to the ER at Murray’s request-but “Michael Jackson died long before he became [our] patient.”

Conrad Murray

Kenny Ortega

Codirector of This Is It tour

Says Murray “assured us that Michael was physically and emotionally capable” of performing. “I was shocked.”

Nicole Alvarez

Murray’s girlfriend

Says when boxes of propofol were delivered to the Santa Monica home she shared with Murray and their son, she “never asked what the packages were for.”

David Walgren

Prosecutor

In a powerful opening statement, Walgren told jurors that Murray “violated not only every standard of care, but decency from one human being to another.”

Richard Senneff

Paramedic

Testified that when he asked Murray what drugs had been administered, the doctor didn’t mention propofol-the sedative later blamed for Jackson’s death.

Faheem Muhammad

Jackson’s chief of security

Took children Prince and Paris away from their dead father’s bedside. “Paris was on the ground, balled up, crying.”

HEART MONITOR

Taking the pulse of celebrity love lives

MARRIED!

Lauren Miller & Seth Rogen

The funnyman, 29, exchanged vows with his girlfriend of seven years, writer Miller, 30 (overlooking a vineyard in Sonoma County, Calif., on Oct. 2). “It was a very joyous ceremony,” a source tells Scoop of the nuptials, which were officiated by a rabbi and witnessed by over 200 guests, including pals Jonah Hill, James Franco, Paul Rudd, Adam Sandler and David Krumholtz, Knocked Up director Judd Apatow, his wife, Leslie Mann, and their daughters. “There were a lot of laughs.”

ON THE GUEST LIST

Adam Sandler

Jonah Hill

Paul Rudd

ENGAGED!

Elizabeth Hurley & Shane Warne

After 10 months together, the Gossip Girl actress, 46, is planning to wed Australian cricket star Warne, 42. “It was very romantic,” Warne tweeted of his Oct. 1 proposal in Scotland.

DIVORCING

James Marsden & Lisa Linde

The X-Men star, 38, and actress Linde, 39, have split after more than a decade of marriage. “It was a mutual decision,” says his rep. “They’re committed to raising their children [Jack and Mary] together.”

EXTRA SCOOPS

BIG SCREEN Arrested Development, starring Jason Bateman and Portia de Rossi, will return for 10 episodes and a movie, a producer confirmed. DARK PAST Hung star Thomas Jane revealed to the Los Angeles Times that in his early years in L.A. he was homeless and involved in gay prostitution. BFFs Demi Lovato told Billboard she credits Kim Kardashian and Selena Gomez with helping her recover since treatment: “They meant the world to me.”

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