Brad told me that he was having trouble not shouting it from the rooftops that he was in love with me. Oh, no. Love. There were so many ways in which I did love him, but I was not in love with him.
Being physical with Brad did not come quickly or easily for me. I often cried during those moments of physical intimacy, and I have no idea what he made of it when I cried. He was starting to talk to me about forever and how someday he was going to want to marry me. I asked him if we could slow down. This came out of the blue to him because we really didn’t seem to have any problems. Well, except for the tiny little fact of me being a lesbian. I was hoping that I’d just fall out of favor with him. No such luck.
I have cried a million times about how I hurt him. I have not been ashamed of myself often, but I am ashamed of myself for choosing to be so cruel to another human being. Brad and I have seen each other in passing on a couple of occasions since then, and we exchanged pleasantries. Perhaps this book and my coming out will help him to understand.