David Lee Roth
Hello, Mr. Roth. It’s your doctor. We’ve finished all the tests on your fourth solo album since leaving Van Halen, and we’ve got first some good news and then some bad.
The new direction you’re taking could be a healthy one for you. You’re trying to mix things up. Following in the tradition of your hit, “Just a Gigolo,” you’ve expanded your repertoire to include everything from country to blues to reggae. And songs like the jangly duct with Travis Tritt, “Cheatin’ Heart Cafe,” could get you back on your feet soon.
Unfortunately you haven’t mixed things up enough. From the tedious blues of “Experience” to the bloated rock songs like “She’s My Machine” and “Big Train,” you seem to be all show and no tune. These numbers approach self-parody. We’ll need you to come in for further analysis regarding your solo career. Please bring the charts from your Van Halen days. We’ve booked a room for you in the Shelley Long Career-Counseling Clinic. (Reprise)