June 09, 2014 12:00 PM

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The Faux-K Cupid profile


Los Angeles



Message Her

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My self-summary

Native of Colombia, now the highest-paid actress on TV, seeks man who will appreciate all of me. As I told Women’s Health, “I’ve always been known for my boobs, but it pisses me off, because I do also have a great ass!” Ideal mate will love posing for paparazzi, Kmart clothing and Ed O’Neill. No politicians, por favor.

Six things I could never do without

• Thong bikinis

• My hair colorist

• A Spanish-to-English dictionary

• A bra (sometimes)

• CoverGirl cosmetics

• The agent who got me all these endorsement deals

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I was in The Smurfs movie.

Her Details

Last online: Yesterday

Orientation: Straight

Height: 5’7″

Age: 41

Sign: Cancer

Body type: Perfect

Drinks: Diet Pepsi

Relationship status: Newly single

Income: Between $25-$50 million

Offspring: One son, wants more

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