October 14, 1985 12:00 PM

A few notes on old shows that keep coming back: Love Boat should be torpedoed for adding mermaids to its crew. These poor women are stuffed into costumes that make their chests look like built-in water wings, and they’re forced to sing lines like, “Dance! I gotta move my buns!” Shame…. Dynasty’s season opener was a horrendous hour of mellow drama pumped up by maudlin music and dusty old dialogue like, “How can you talk about marriage at a time like this?”—that is, in the middle of a terrorist attack. Once the show throws plenty of turpentine on the corner it painted itself into, things may improve. For now, this soap opera has all the subtlety of lye…. Hunter is as despicably violent and idiotic as ever…. Family Ties gets more charming every year—especially this season with the introduction of Tracy (Baby It’s You) Pollan as Michael J. Fox’s girlfriend…. And now a word about Steven Spielberg’s Amazing Stories: shrug. I’ll hold off grading the extravaganza until I see more episodes. But the premiere was as much of a letdown as a hot-air balloon outta gas….

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