October 15, 1979 12:00 PM

Dial-a-Hearing-Test (415/776-1291) Eight tones of decreasing volume are played, four for each ear. Anyone who hears them all is OK. Missing a couple may mean bad ears, or a bad connection. Weight Watchers (415/626-3987) The basic message encourages dieters struggling to lose pounds and suspicious of a cosmic conspiracy; another number is offered for those who seek specific moral support to abstain from, say, a banana split.

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