Picks and Pans Review: Results
Minnelli is 43, which makes her roughly 30 years too old to be even listening to, let alone performing, the music on this hilariously bad album.
It was co-produced by the Pet Shop Boys, Chris Lowe and Neil Tennant, who are also guilty of writing seven of its mostly interchangeable—bad to worse and back again—songs.
Whatever misguided reasons were behind it, the notion seems to have been to make Minnelli into some kind of born-again dance music queen, which might have made a minimal amount of sense if the dance in question was the fox-trot, or even the twist or Watusi. The Pet Shop Boys are into electronic postpunk dance music, however. Applying Minnelli’s florid singing style to these loud, functional songs is like putting stained-glass windows in a bowling alley.
Among the non-Lowe-Tennant tunes are Stephen Sondheim’s “Losing My Mind,” in a rendition that ought to get Liza barred from Steve’s plays forever, and the slightly eerie Tanita Tikaram hit “Twist in My Sobriety,” which ought to get Liza barred from Tanita’s plays, if she ever writes any.
At least neither of these tunes quite plumbs the depths as thoroughly as the Lowe-Tennant track “Don’t Drop Bombs”—”I’d rather not have to hear about/ Your other girls on your expense account/ I know you carry on/ Behind my back/ With your secretary/ You’ll have a heart attack.”
Not since Ethel Merman’s 1979 disco album has there been such a perfect mismatch of artist and music, and Merman was, at least a little bit, trying to be funny. (Epic)