June 08, 1992 12:00 PM

>ROLL OVER, SHAKESPEARE

SONG TITLES AND LYRICS FROM I’VE Got Tears in My Ears from Lyin’ on My Back in My Bed While I Cry Over You: Country Music’s Best (and Funniest) Lines, compiled by Paula Schwed (Andrews and McMeel, $6.95)

•”I’m the Only Hell Mama Ever Raised”—Bobby Borchers, Wayne Kemp and Mack Vickery, 1975

•”If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?”—David M. Bellamy, 1979

•”Worst You Ever Gave Me Was the Best I Ever Had”—Daniel D. Hice and Ruby F. Hice, 1976

•”You can eat crackers in my bed anytime”—from “Crackers,” Kye Fleming and Dennis W. Morgan, 1980

•”Not Tonight, I’ve Got a Heartache”—Walt Aldridge and Tom Brasfield, 1977

•”Loving Here, Living There and Lying in Between”—Eugene Dobbins, Tony Austin and Johnny A. Wilson, 1977

•”If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me”—Jimmy Buffett, Waylon Jennings and Michael E. Utley, 1985

•”You’re Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without”—Allen Frizzell and Anthony Roberts, 1983

•”My tears have washed ‘I love you’ from the blackboard of my heart”—from “Blackboard of My Heart,” Hank Thompson, Lyle Gaston, 1956

•”I only miss you on days that end in ‘Y’ “—from “Days That End in ‘Y,’ ” Jim Malloy and Even Stevens, 1975

•”Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone”—from “Thank God and Greyhound,” Larry Kingston and Ed Nix, 1970

•”Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life”—from “Drop Kick Me, Jesus” Paul Craft, 1976

•”I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling”—from “I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself,” Thomas J. Sharp, 1978

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