ABC (Mon., April 7, 9 p.m. ET)
Do you remember how uncomfortable your parents were when (and if) they lectured you on the Facts of Life, hemming, hawing, umming, pausing and rustling in the chair? My Two Loves will bring back that memory, for everyone in it is as uncomfortable, stiff and embarrassed as a parent who’s trying to be a Dr. Ruth. This movie deals with just one fact of life: bisexuality. Mariette Hartley becomes a widow, moves into a new apartment, takes a job as a chef and takes up with her late husband’s divorced best friend, Barry Newman. Mariette’s mom, the ever-mournful Sada (Family) Thompson, approves of the affair. But Mariette’s daughter—the kind of whiny brat who deserves boarding school—disapproves. So Hartley’s life is complicated enough right there. But then her boss and buddy, Lynn Redgrave, confides that she’s gay. You wait for the other shoe to drop…and skirt and blouse. Finally, Redgrave invites Hartley home and washes her hair—and the rest is bedtime. Mariette and Lynn are an item, but you’d never know they’re in love from the way they act. There’s no passion between them. There’s no life anywhere in My Two Loves. In the end the movie looks like the life story of mannequins.