Picks and Pans Review: My Favorite Housewife

Sexy Gabrielle, frazzled Lynette, uptight Bree or klutzy Susan: The ladies of Wisteria Lane are all desperate in their own way. Which one do you most root for? Four writers give us four different perspectives.

GABRIELLE (EVA LONGORIA) In a guilty pleasure show, Gabrielle is the guiltiest pleasure of all. What’s more reckless than having an affair with an underage gardener? Longoria plays Gabrielle with such breezy perfection that you can’t take your eyes off her. The only thing steelier than her emotions is her yoga-sculpted body. And don’t mistake some cracks in her armor for signs of weakness. The same episode in which she confessed to her lover’s mom, she also burned her husband’s passport, dooming him to languish in prison. Let’s face it: There’s really only one truly desperate housewife.

LYNETTE (FELICITY HUFFMAN) A plumber with a secret mission, a busybody bludgeoned by a blender, a husband dallying with a dominatrix—so much camp, mystery, sex. And all great fun. But can we please have one real, recognizable suburban woman? Here she is: an overburdened mother of; four, several of them hyperactive. A onetime career woman whose dynamism is useless up against kids who hate brussels sprouts. Stressed out, worn out, fraying, confused, a would-be soccer mom kicked by the indignities of life. She gets up and tries again.

BREE (MARICA CROSS) Yes, I covet her meticulously organized Tupperware collection. And yes, her flawless homemaking skills are enough to make us ordinary housewives feel incompetent by comparison. But that’s also what makes Bree so much fun to watch: She tackles hurdles big (her husband’s infidelity) and small (a torn-up front yard) with unwavering resolve—making her the only Housewife who doesn’t wallow in self-pity. All that, plus a to-die-for osso buco recipe. Spend an hour with Bree and you’ll be itching to unleash the domestic diva within.

SUSAN (TERI HATCHER) She’s real…and she’s spectacular. Susan is just one of the girls: a caring mom, a compassionate friend, a woman done wrong by men in her past. I even forgive her those beauty queen looks because she’s such a fun klutz. With Lucille Ball flair she torches houses and locks herself out of the house buck naked. But even after a Dynasty-like catfight leaves her looking like fashion road-kill, she struts the runway with head held high for charity’s sake. This girl’s got heart. Let’s hope that hunky plumber doesn’t throw a wrench in it.