CBS (Sun., Oct. 4, 9 p.m. ET)
To praise it with faint damnation: Mistress should be trashier trash. Victoria Principal is a kept woman until her keeper dies in bed. “He just overdid it,” she sighs. She’s left with no money, no one to love and no other marketable skills. It’s a tough world out there. “Y’know what happens to weak little creatures on the great sidewalk of life?” she cries. “Some man comes along and steps on ’em. Well, not me.” When she comes out with hooters like that, Principal seems to think she’s acting. She tries to serve rare sirloin but all she really has on her plate is a hot and juicy hamburger.