NBC (Sat., Sept. 26, 9:30 p.m. ET)
From the network that brought you Supertrain, Manimal and Misfits of Science comes this year’s colossally dumb idea. Dale (Death Valley Days) Robertson is J.J Starbuck, an eccentric Texas billionaire who wanders around solving crimes and helping folks just because he’s big-hearted. He drives a Lincoln with steer horns on the hood and a horn under the hood that plays The Eyes of Texas. He delivers more syrupy platitudes than a greeting card store: “Way I figure it, nobody ever lost his eyesight lookin’ on the bright side of things.” The script should be crocheted and hung on the wall—or from the nearest yardarm.