October 07, 1985 12:00 PM

by Wendy Stehling

Dear Mom: Thanks for sending along this book. I have finally figured out that Wendy is your favorite author because you were also quick to send her last tome, Thin Thighs in 30 Days. Sorry, Mom, this one doesn’t work either. The problem is I’d have to take out a hefty bank loan if I started this project. On Day One alone, I’m supposed to get a facial, manicure, haircut, buy new makeup and perfume, go to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned and sign up for an exercise class. What’s odd is that Wendy then says that the men she interviewed don’t care that much about a woman’s beauty, even “breast size or long legs…and so on.” But they do like women who are sensitive, funny, feminine, independent-minded, wear black underwear, smile a lot and will be their friends. (Except for the black underwear stuff, you told me all this years ago.) To get them to fall for us we have to say gushy things like, “You’re a very strong man. I can tell by the size of your wrists.” Sorry, Mom, I couldn’t marry somebody who is dumb enough to fall for that line. Anyway, here’s how Stehling says I could snare Mr. Desirable: On the first date, smile a lot, flirt a little, whisper sweet nothings like, “Oh, this car has one of those big engines you can’t buy anymore.” (Mom, you’d better send me a subscription to Car and Driver for Christmas.) Date Two: Smile a lot, “notice what he does and compliment him, and invite him to dinner at your place.” Date Three: I should buy a nice stereo so he can enjoy good music as he nibbles at the gourmet dinner I’ve whipped up in between scrubbing the toilet, scouring the oven, spreading fresh flowers around the apartment and changing the glaring white bulbs in my lamps to soft glow. I won’t say specifically where all this is supposed to lead, but Wendy suggests that the next morning I give my man a brand-new razor, toothbrush and “fluffy, clean towel.” So anyway, sorry to disappoint you, but you had better cancel that wedding cake order. This dim-witted book didn’t really tell me anything I haven’t seen in magazine articles in Cosmo a hundred thousand times before. But I promise you, I’ll keep trying. (Pinnacle, $4.95)

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