September 23, 2002 12:00 PM

FOX (Wednesdays, 9 p.m. ET)

You Cannot Be Serious isn’t just the title of John McEnroe’s memoir. It’s my reaction to the Sept. 18 debut of this hyperactive cop show. Ex-Beverly Hills, 90210 vixen Tiffani Thiessen is incongruously cast as Billie, a tough police officer who says, “I know what it’s like—outmanned, outgunned and out there.” If this is tongue-in-cheek, it’s bad. If it’s on the level, it’s terrible.

Billie bosses a pair of undercover operatives named Van (Peter Facinelli) and Deaq (Bill Bellamy). She chooses Van for the secret unit because he’s blessed with “a face that can get past the rope and a body good to go all night.” The pilot, directed by McG (Charlie’s Angels), contains so many fast cuts that your eyelids will still be twitching during the late news. Luckily he sets aside a few seconds for Van to have hot sex with a suspect.

Bottom Line: Exit-only lane

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