December 25, 1978 12:00 PM

The remarks on these pages were compiled by author Barbara Rowes, whose collection of 3,500 contemporary quotations, The Book of Quotes, will be published in April.

ON POLITICS

“My esteem in the country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”—Jimmy Carter

“I’ve known all the Presidents since Hoover…including Kissinger.”—Economist Eliot Janeway

“I’m the only person ever sworn in to Congress clutching a handbag filled with disposable diapers.”—U.S. Rep. Patricia Schroeder

“A politician should be born a foundling and remain a bachelor.”—Lady Bird Johnson

ON THE SEXES

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”—Jean Kerr

“Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type.”—Author Fran Lebowitz

“Ballet is woman.”—George Balanchine

“If you say ‘I love you’ in the beginning, it’s like using your three best jokes at the start of your act. You have nowhere to go from there.”—Mickey Rooney

“All men are rapists and that’s all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws and their codes.”—Author Marilyn French

“Boys nowadays are really dumb sometimes because they don’t like you for what you are. They like you for what you have.”—Brooke Shields

ON BEAUTY

“My theory is that God gives you either straight white teeth with lots of cavities or crooked, stained teeth with no cavities. I have lots of cavities.”—Farrah Fawcett-Majors

“Without flattering myself, I know I look exactly the same as I did seven years ago.”—Rod Stewart

“I design my own clothes, for the reason that I know better than anyone what I have to hide.”—Vera Stravinsky

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.”—Hedy Lamarr

“I am not my last haircut or my last divorce.”—Ali MacGraw

ON SPORTS

“Baseball players are the weirdest of all. I think it’s all that organ music.”—Novelist Peter Gent

“If horses won’t eat it, I don’t want to play on it.”—Former major leaguer Dick Allen

“I see which way the flag is blowing and swing accordingly. If it’s not blowing, I bunt.”—Royals outfielder Amos Otis

“If I lose to Chris, I won’t feel I’m No. 1. But I won’t feel I’m No. 2 either. One and a half maybe.”—Virginia Wade

“People assumed that my greatest thrill last year was winning the championship. They’re wrong. It was meeting Mick Jagger.”—Cosmos’ Steve Hunt

“Religiously speaking, it is an advancement from a Cardinal to a Saint.”—New Orleans guard Conrad Dobler

ON LIVING

“I’ve known success and I’ve known failure, and success is better…The drawback is that you don’t have time to congratulate yourself.”—TV producer Joan Ganz Cooney

“Most people don’t need confession at all—there’s enough humiliation in real life.”—Critic Wilfrid Sheed

“I never met a rich man who was happy, but I have only very occasionally met a poor man who did not want to become a rich man.”—Malcolm Muggeridge

“I look forward to hearing the pitter-patter of little feet, and then the pitter-patter of larger feet—belonging to the housekeeper—right behind them.”—Kate Jackson

“Moving to New York is like going to a place where they speak a foreign language.”—Linda Ronstadt

“Human nature is not exactly beautiful.”—The Shah of Iran

ON SHOW BUSINESS

“Performing wouldn’t be so bad if everyone in the audience could come up on stage and I could kiss them beforehand. As it is, it’s like making love without any preliminary kissing.”—Carly Simon

“Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”—Lily Tomlin

“The whole town of Hollywood is coked out of its head.”—Robert Blake

“There is a lot of Lutheran guilt in Norway. All of my failures in Hollywood have helped.”—Liv Ullmann

ON RELIGION

“Service to others is the rent we pay for our room in heaven.”—Muhammad Ali

“Where else but in the Catholic Church is a man 56 years of age considered too young for a job?”—Monsignor John Grant

“Most Houstonians will spend eternity in Hell.”—Billy Graham

ON WORK

“I have written a thousand pages, and I am not even through my bachelor days.”—Henry Kissinger

“The average secretary in the U.S. is better educated than the average boss.”—Gloria Steinem

“The doodle is the brooding of the hand.”—Saul Steinberg

“I don’t consider myself as having written pornography. I wrote obscenity, which is pure.”—Henry Miller

“There is no such thing as a free lunch. That is the sum of my economic theory. The rest is elaboration.”—Milton Friedman

“Commercials are the last things in life you can count on for a happy ending.”—Robert Morley

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