July 08, 1985 12:00 PM

LESS FOR MOORE: Following the royal premiere of A View to a Kill, dapper Roger Moore dashed off to London’s Heathrow Airport where a private jet was waiting to whisk him and three companions to the French Riviera. But as 007 settled into his seat he was shocked to discover the flight’s sparse, unappetizing cuisine. Seems there was a mix-up. A man flying alone to Nice at the same time was put on Moore’s plane, and did he get the better of the deal. “He scoffed our champagne and caviar while all we got were his lousy egg sandwiches,” said a disgruntled Moore in Monaco. “This would have never happened to Bond.” At 57, Moore says he is definitely finished with the 007 films. As for a successor, he nominates John McEnroe: “He’s aggressive and that’s what the Bond films need.”

SHE DOESN’T ADD UP: Actress and Princeton student Brooke Shields gave the Los Angeles Times a hint as to why she’s majoring in French and not math. She said she had no idea what she was paid for her part in last fall’s TV movie Wet Gold or for her just-released autobiography, On Your Own. She also said her mother, who works as her manager, didn’t tell her. “I don’t want to know,” Shields told a reporter, “I never want to do anything for money. Anyway, I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedeses.’ Then I understood.”

COLD, COLD ART: At a benefit in Denver, Bill Cosby singled out a schoolteacher in the audience and advised her—and teachers everywhere—to do her homework before deluging moms and dads with drawings. “The first thing you must do is find out if the pupil you’re teaching is the third, fourth or fifth child in the family,” he pleaded. “If he is, don’t send him home with those stupid paintings. We can’t take it anymore! Our refrigerators can’t take it anymore!”

WHERE’S POPPA? Carl Reiner was talking about all the honors Hollywood celebs receive, and just how nebulous most of them are—the honors, not the stars. To drive the point home, Reiner remembered the time he was working on The Dick Van Dyke Show, when he heard from an organization that had just voted Van Dyke Father of the Year. “They called me from Washington to ask, ‘Could you release him on Tuesday?’ ” After lengthy negotiations, Reiner finally said, “I really can’t release him Tuesday night, because that’s when we shoot and there’s an audience. We have to meet a schedule…. ” Recalls Reiner: “There was a long pause and he asked, ‘Then can you recommend somebody else?’ ”

GETS HER BILLIE GOAT: So there she was, Billie Jean King, on a British Airways flight from New York to London. On the overhead movie screen passengers were being entertained with turn-of-the-century clips of women playing tennis—old-timey ladies in ankle-length dresses, their hair piled high upon their heads. Quipped a male flight attendant to King, who’ll be 42 in November: “A bit before your time, aye?” Replied King with an unamused sigh: “Not much.”

BRAISED LOAF: At a party to celebrate his signing with RCA Records, Meat Loaf, the rocker, leaned over to blow out candles on a cake and—poof!—his shaggy hair caught fire. Bystanders quickly doused the incipient flames, and Meat Loaf even managed to maintain his sense of humor. “Quick!” he yelled. “Get me a Pepsi!”

K SERA, SERA: On the set of The Longshot, starring Harvey Korman and Tim Conway, the actors were given director’s chairs with their names on them. Korman, however, was disappointed to find that the name on his chair read “Corman.” “It’s spelled with a K,” he pointed out. The next day Korman found he had a new chair that read “Harvey Cormank.”

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