Robyn Von Swank
Jeff Nelson
May 24, 2016 05:00 PM

Whitney Cummings is an open book – and soon everyone can read her story.

The comic will release her first memoir with G.P. Putnam’s Sons in fall 2017, PEOPLE can exclusively announce.

“I always told myself I would wait to write a book until I had accumulated enough humiliating mistakes to actually make the read worth your time,” Cummings, 33, said. “I’ve dated a gay guy, had my hair fall out from not eating enough fat, put family members in rehab, and come very close to spending my life in a Guatemalan prison. I’ve also accumulated a compendium of knowledge that can save you a lot of time.”

The stand-up comedian – who released her critically acclaimed HBO special I’m Your Girlfriend earlier this year – has never been one to shy away from getting personal or self-deprecating.

Related Video: Why You Shouldn’t Mistake Whitney Cummings for Sarah Silverman

Last year, she joked about her recent weight gain to Today‘s Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford, “I put on, like, 20 lbs. People think I got a face lift.”

In her memoir, though, Cummings will open up about the truth behind her fluctuating weight: disordered eating.

“It didn’t occur to me that I had an eating disorder even though I almost exclusively ate sugar-free Twizzlers and Diet Sunkist,” she said.

Known for her smarts and searing wit, the 2 Broke Girls co-creator will get real about past relationships – “drug addicts were my drug,” she said – and how she hid past infidelity: “My shadiness took many forms such as programming guys’ names in my phone as other things: ‘Grandma home’ was my go-to,” she said.

Her first memoir, I’m Fine … And Other Lies will follow another first for the funnywoman, who will make her directorial debut with the upcoming relationship comedy The Female Brain.

“I’ve been putting off writing a book for a while because I wanted to make sure I had ample time to make it great and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m also really looking forward to writing in longer stretches than 140 characters or less,” said Cummings.

“I feel like I finally accumulated enough embarrassments, disasters and wisdom to put a book together that can compete with reading the Internet. And you’re welcome, readers, now you can just read this book instead of f—ing up like I did.”

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