Kelsey McNeal/ABC(2)
People Staff
September 24, 2008 12:00 AM

Jeffrey, We Hardly Knew Thee: Even with one good eye, Jeffrey Ross could see his DWTS ouster coming. Despite being partnered with champion-in-waiting Edyta Sliwinska, the Roast master couldn’t survive his lack of rhythm and a painful scratched cornea, which “was a huge issue Monday.” Ross said of his pre-performance injury, “I woke up in the middle of the night, and then I was back at the hospital this morning.” He later griped: “They didn’t mention that on the show, and obviously the voters didn’t know what I went through.” The comedian then added, “I think that our dancing was better than some of the other that we saw perform tonight.” The Dancing Queen Mother: Leave it to an 82 year old to astonish the judges and win over her fellow contestants. “I love her,” frontrunner Toni Braxton gushed about Cloris Leachman. “I want to be like her when I grow up! You guys don’t hear half the things that we get to hear backstage. You’d have to bleep out the whole show if you did!” Faced with Cloris’s bribery, threats and attempts at garnering pity votes, even Rocco Dispirito was impressed. “She’s the one to beat,” the newly swivel-hipped chef admitted. “These are all tactics that are known to be highly effective, so I don’t think there is any way to counter that. Cloris is 82 years in the making, you know! Who doesn’t want to see a woman get away with what she is getting away with? Former fastest man alive Maurice Greene may have put it best: “She is a ball-o-fire! She’s a hurricane, an earthquake and a tornado all piled up into one person! You only get to see a little bit of the Cloris that we get to see. You get the commercial, we get the full movie!” And let there be no doubt that it’s R-rated. Children of the Corn couple Julianne Hough and Cody Linley admitted that Leachman knew more dirty slang then they did–combined. “I’ve never heard a woman swear that much,” Hough said, “Especially someone that’s my grandmother’s age!”

The Bribe Heard Round the World: Bruno, Len and Carrie Ann could have bolstered their bank accounts (or more likely, their pocket change) Tuesday night if only they had accepted Cloris’s bribe. “Well, I had it tucked into my bra,” Leachman said of her paltry ten-dollar plea, “but they fooled around with my microphone, which is also my bra, and when I reached in to my dress, the money was down near my stomach. I had to go in there, and find it all.” Trying to explain her low scores, Leachman said, “I thought I would give them each a ten for a score of ‘ten’. But, I think I may have to go bigger next time, maybe twelve dollars apiece.”

A Mambo King Is Born: “It’s the ‘Miracle on Beverly Boulevard!” Rocco said after he and partner Karina Smirnoff pulled straight sevens from the judges and rebounded from Monday night’s lackluster performance. “For me, it was about listening to your instructor and just letting it go. I had to do both,” he said. As for Karina’s turned ankle, the vet laughed off the injury: “It’s still a little swollen, but with all the adrenaline rush, and energy, when I was dancing, I didn’t feel it at all.”

A Weighty Issue: Though Susan Lucci did her best not to discuss Carrie Ann’s “frail” comment, she acknowledged that she took Monday night’s criticism to heart. “I am so looking forward to more spaghetti and meatballs,” the soap actress said. “It was great advice! I’ve been doing Pilates for fourteen years, and doing Malibu Pilates for three years, which is cardio Pilates… I know that I have to increase, but I want to increase on the healthy things. My partner Tony Dovolani and I are definitely on the same page with that–egg white omelettes, salmon.” –Reagan Alexander

READ MORE: Monday’s What You Didn’t SeeKelsey McNeal/ABC(2)

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