On last night’s America’s Next Top Model, Tyra and company tortured the models with makeovers under the guise that Miss Tyra fairy godmother was going to grant them their wishes, ready or not. OK, not all the girls came out looking worse: Lauren Brie went platinum, Sam got chopped amid tears, and Clark supposedly turned “edgy” with her dark ’do. But poor Elina got “one of the most interesting makeovers we‘ve ever done on Top Model” boasted Tyra. Um yeah, if interesting means trading in shiny brown locks for a ginormous red curly weave.
Since we’re on the topic of wishes, we really, really (no, like, really) wish we didn’t have to endure listening to Tyra’s sing-songy fairy godmother makeover voice while we watched these poor model wannabes be curled, weaved and snipped to tears. “There can only be one Kimora Lee so I’m giving Sheena highlights, like me!” she declared from the corner of the TV screen in a tiara and poufy dress (watch the clip). Then, there was that cringe-worthy skit where Mr. Jay, as Prince Couture, kisses and carries away Tyra Banks as — what else — the pretty, pretty princess (It is her show, after all.). No discernible lip-to-lip contact, though. Phew! But back to the crying girls. Miss Jay announced that Elina’s new look would be “duh-ras-tic!” “What happens when you do let go?” chimed in Mr. Jay. Um, did you not watch last week’s hottub action, Jay? We know exactly what happens… “I’m so scared,” Elina said. “You should be skerred” said Mr. J, who also made time to nurture Brittany. He said that with her pretty face, “I could see you being married to a football player.” A weepy Brittany told the camera, “Oh, that’s all I hear is, ‘You’re such a pretty girl.’ Shut up!” Mr. Jay ended his pep talk with “If I told you that you were ugly you would have every reason to cry… Get your makeup touched up, child, cuz you look a mess!” And he would know. Just minutes before he donned that heinous Wicked Witch get-up.
Also looking freaky: Elina and her “silly” fiery weave. “It’s not me and I don’t even know how to deal with it,” she lamented. But actually, the tatted-up model dealt with it quite well during a swimsuit photo shoot. Tyra called her photo “a work of art,” and said her new “racially ambiguous” look makes her relatable to a larger group. “Every little girl can look at this picture and see herself which I think is extra special.” And here we just thought it was an ugly ‘fro. Who knew it had the power to inspire and unite?
Isis worked her magic tape yet again to pose in a metallic bikini, but Tyra deemed her look “sleepy.” Paulina, on the other hand, called her pose “becoming.” The former model was not as nice to Annaleigh, who suddenly turned street this episode, calling out ‘Yo!” at the end of her CoverGirl ad. “Your arms are kind of scary, kind of like tree branches coming at you,” Paulina snapped. But the former ice skater escaped elimination. Barely. And when assessing Lauren Brie’s gorgeous pic, Paulina said, “She does not look great in real life but she photographs amazing.” After decades in the business listening to bookers and photographers, it seems Paulina picked up the art of the backhanded compliment.
Also getting some tough love: Hannah. Things looked good in the beginning of the episode for the “mousy” Alaskan, who got bangs and a shorter ‘do. “You look like a fashion model now,” said Mr. Jay. (Funny, she still looks like that chick who hated on Isis last week.) Then, she won the CoverGirl/Wal-Mart challenge when she proved to be, like, the only girl who could string a sentence together (unlike the awkward newly brunette Marjorie who mistook Wal-Mart for Walgreens). But at the swimsuit shoot, the photographer called her out for having “psycho eyes.” I guess he’s not buying the whole cutesy, shoulder-shrugging, aw-shucks act either.
Coincidentally, Brittany also used the word “psycho” to describe Elina, who ’fessed up to having problems with her mother. Well not problems so much as “I hate her.” Brittany pointed out that her mom must love her since she pays the bills. “I was like, ‘You an evil b—-,‘ and she’s ungrateful,” Brittany fumed to the camera. We sense Brittany may have a career as a counselor should the whole marry-a-football-player thing doesn’t work out. Regardless, she’ll need a backup gig, because Tyra cut her for being just another pretty face. –Jenny Sundel
Tell us: What did you think of Elina’s makeover? Should Annaleigh have been cut instead of Brittany?