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The Hills: Ready to Relapse & Coming Clean

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The bitch was on a break on Tuesday’s episode of The Hills, which left room for romance as well as some serious — and seriously funny — scenes. –Carrie Bell

Return of the Mat: Audrina told Stephanie that Justin Bobby was texting her despite dating Kristin. Steph called her a “pushover” and didn’t believe her declaration of independence even after she heard about Aud’s date with Derek. That dinner went well until JB came up in the conversation, which must have got her thinking because later she asked JB to meet her. She admitted it was hard to see him with KC and agreed not to see Derek after he chastised her for dating a friend. He also said it felt weird “putting someone else on the back of my motorcycle” and that he “would never be able to say ever in my life anything was better than Audrina.”

Father Knows Best: Smack-talking has no age limit on this show. KC went to Laguna to visit her parents and when she mentioned how she’d been seeing Brody, her dad asked, “Is Brody still in love with himself?” He was sarcastic when she told him about JB’s stomach ink. He also seemed to playfully doubt his daughter when she claimed it was “nothing serious.”

Food For Thought: She returned home to find JB cooking apology dinner, which he swore was a first. When he claimed to be out of town and then backtracked as if he lied, she applied the heat about his being MIA. But he switched the subject, distracted her and all was forgiven. “This makes up for not showing up to the party. I can get used to this. I’m having the time of my life,” she said. You could see fear in his eyes when she told him she’d talked about him to pops, but she hedged: “I don’t want a boyfriend.” He admitted to having doubts too. “There are no angel wings over there. You’re a wild card.” Still, it didn’t stop them from retiring to the bedroom.

Party Foul: Holly did a drunken mash-up of the robot and the vogue in front of a window at one of Heidi’s work events. She was trashed, doing shots, being lovey-dovey, play-slapping Charlie, grabbing bar bottles and fake chugging them, describing Brent’s photos incoherently and raising her voice when Heidi suggested she stop drinking. Spencer just reveled in the fact that he was not the one ruining a Bolthouse event for once.

Pot Meets Kettle: Heidi and Steph powwowed about Holly’s intoxicated antics the next day. But in light of Steph’s recent DUI, her indignation was almost laughable. Steph insisted that Heidi talk to her sister immediately and suggested taking Spencer for backup. After he made an inappropriate alcoholic joke before Holly arrived and immediately ordered a margarita, his performance at the confrontation was a surprise. They told her they were scared. They told her powerful wouldn’t take her seriously. “We’re so similar how we get all liquored and just talk,” Spencer said. “You’re a long-haired Spencer with better dance moves. But I know what you are capable of.” Before the food even showed up, she’d swore off booze. “Alcohol should not be the love of my life,” she said. “It’s time to breakup for good.” If this sticks, Speidi should go on Intervention! courtesy MTV