JoJo was super excited and looked chic AF in that red dress and coat as she sat down to catch up with Chris Harrison. She also joked about the fact that she could possibly fall in love with two people because her feelings for some of the guys are “very similar.” (JoJo – don’t pull a Ben. You know better than that.)
Then Chris met up with the eight remaining guys and told them they would be switching things up this week: There was going to be a second two-on-one date of the season, plus a regular one-on-one and one group date. Let’s begin.
ONE-ON-ONE WITH WELLS
Poor Wells. Where do we even begin with this date?
The first date card of the episode was Wells’ one-on-one, and the note read: “Bésame. Bésame, muchacho,” which loosely translates to: “If you don’t kiss me on this date you’re going home.”
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JK, it really just means “kiss me,” which as it turned out was something JoJo had to quite literally spell out for Wells because the two still hadn’t kissed yet. HOW is this possible? Even Evan got a kiss. EVAN.
Wells then made the rather silly decision to tell the rest of the guys that he was the only one that hadn’t kissed her yet, and they all could not have been more gleeful about this. Like, they literally laughed in his face.
Alex: “What if you kiss her and there’s just no spark?” – Alex, you should be a motivational speaker or something.
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Anyway, then JoJo walked in to pick up Wells for the date and Luke made it SO incredibly uncomfortable by asking them if they were going to kiss today, which was just patronizing and rude. Poor Wells.
Then JoJo and Wells went on their date and the awkwardness was pretty unbearable. Things got a little better once they got to that Fuerza Bruta theater, but still. Don’t make the kid who already clearly has major anxiety about this date do intense performance art the whole time when Jordan Rodgers got to chill on a yacht with her last week.
Finally the moment came for their first kiss, and it happened on suspended ceiling pool, because why not. JoJo literally cheered after it happened, and so did we.
Then they had dinner and at first it seemed like things were going really well but then JoJo asked Wells to talk about his ex-girlfriend.
Side note/general observation: Genuinely interested in how Wells ended up on this show. He’s so sweet but such a departure from the usual male contestant (i.e. tall, built, boring), and was obviously uncomfortable with this entire thing because he’s just like, a little hipster kid.
JoJo and Wells talked about their previous relationships and perspectives on love, and it became clear these two are pretty different. Even Wells pointed it out, and JoJo started to notice the skepticism in his voice.
She ended up not giving him the rose and sending him home, which basically surprised no one. Adios Wells, we’ll miss you and your cute little face.
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JORDAN AND JAMES DRAMA ON THE GROUP DATE
The next day, JoJo and Jordan, Luke, Robby, James and Alex went on a group date, walking around, exploring the city and playing soccer with locals.
James is really sweet but his whole “I’m just not the coolest guy”-shtick on this date got pretty old. He kept going on and on about how he’s not “as sexy” or doesn’t have a “perfect smile” or “perfect tan” like Jordan/Luke/Robby etc. and it was like Yes, props for self-awareness, now stop talking about it.
Then, during the evening portion of the date, James sat down with JoJo and told some bizarre story about a fight he had with Jordan when they were playing poker. It was very hard to decipher what James was actually trying to say about Jordan but basically it just seemed like he was annoyed with him for being good-looking and semi-famous because his brother is Aaron Rodgers.
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JoJo, who is obviously obsessed with Jordan, then confronted him and was all like: “So were you being entitled?” and Jordan was all like: “No, I don’t know what that means,” and then they kissed and it was over.
Jordan got so mad at James about this and they had a little catfight in front of Robby and Alex. Alex lives for drama and was loving every second of this.
Meanwhile, JoJo and Luke were making out and it was so intense it almost felt like we shouldn’t be watching. Luke also got the group date rose, because how could he not after that?
TWO-ON-ONE WITH DEREK AND CHASE
Finally it was time for Derek and Chase to go on their two-on-one with JoJo. The three learned how to tango together, which was pretty awkward.
Then they sat down for dinner and JoJo pulled Derek aside first. He was all over her, telling her how much he liked her and that he was falling for her. They made out and it seemed like things were looking good for him.
Then it was Chase’s turn, and things got kind of tense because JoJo basically told him she needed validation from him or else. Chase is very attractive but obviously isn’t the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, but eventually he gave in and told her what she needed to hear and then they kissed.
Then it was time for JoJo to hand out the rose and she picked Chase, sending Derek home. TBH even Chase looked surprised.
Derek really thought he was going to win. She walked him out and then we got our first teary limo exit of the season, spliced with scenes of JoJo and Chase dancing along to “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina.” A+ editing.
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COCKTAIL PARTY AND ROSE CEREMONY
The next evening, JoJo was feeling extremely conflicted going into the cocktail party because it was the first time she had no idea who she might be sending home that night.
She spent time with all the guys individually and it quickly became clear that with Luke and Chase already having secured roses that week and Jordan and Robby being obvious front-runners, it came down to picking between Alex and James.
Alex was in a bit of a sticky situation because unlike any of the remaining guys, he’d never gotten a group date rose or one-on-one date with JoJo, so he was wondering how he made it that far. (Same, honestly.)
Finally it was time for the rose ceremony and as predicted, Robby and Jordan got roses, leaving Alex and James on the chopping block.
Then, as she was about to hand out the final rose, JoJo fled the room and went to talk to Chris Harrison, who took the rose away from her. A tiny window of suspense hung in the air as we speculated whether she would be sending both of them home or neither, but then she returned and gave them each a rose.
Alex was kind of pissed about this, saying they both got “pity roses” as far he’s concerned. Well, beggars can’t be choosers.
Stay tuned. The Bachelorette airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.