Shannon Beador is changing the way she looks at her marriage.
On Monday’s all-new Real Housewives of Orange County, the mother of three admitted she had reached a “turning point” in her life and was no longer going to let the down moments in her relationship with David Beador affect the way she feels about herself.
“I can’t have a relationship be the focus of my happiness,” a tearful Shannon told friend Tamra Judge during an emotional heart-to-heart. “I kind of have lost track of myself though this. Either the relationship is going to improve, or the relationship isn’t. I cannot let it affect my happiness.”
It was an inspiring moment for Shannon’s fans, who have been cheering for the 53-year-old as she tried to address the distance she’s felt from David in the year since the couple renewed their vows in a surprise ceremony. Adding to her worries is the fact that David’s distance has been reminding her of the last time he pulled away from her: before his affair that nearly tore their relationship apart for good.
“I’ve been having some issues with David and I’m not looking for pity, I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself and I’m not trying to play the victim. I’m just sad,” Shannon told Judge. “Things are so detached right now, it makes me think about the affair more. … I just feel sad and lonely.”
“A lot of the time I get sad,” she added. “I’m just devastated of the state that we’re in right now. I just thought we were in a place that we could never go back. And now, we’re just roommates.”
That would be enough to handle, but Shannon has also been battling a 40-lb. weight gain, which occurred over a year of emotional stress-eating in the wake of false allegations made by Vicki Gunvalson last season that David “beat the s—” out of Shannon.
“With all the weight gain, I don’t know how it happened,” Shannon said, holding back tears. “I feel so… I mean, I don’t want to cry, but I just feel so s—– about myself. When I look in the mirror, I don’t even recognize myself, and I know that David is just disgusted with the whole thing. … I don’t like what I see, at least I can justify in my head. ‘This is why David is growing apart from you, because look at you.’ ”
Judge, whose contentious 12-year marriage with ex-husband husband Simon Barney fell apart while on the hit Bravo show, was there for Shannon as a supportive ear on Monday’s episode.
“It just breaks my heart to see you like this,” she told Shannon. “I know you’re going through a lot of s—. But Sometimes you got to go though the s— to get to the other side. And when you get through this s—, it’s going to be golden, I promise you.”
Having clashed with other Housewives while she was married to Barney, Judge also could see how Shannon’s past arguments with Kelly Dodd, Lydia McLaughlin and Peggy Sulahian might be following a similar pattern.
“It’s coming out in other ways. And I’m seriously concerned — I’m worried about you,’ Judge told Shannon. “When I was unhappy in my marriage, I lashed out. I was miserable and I wanted everybody to know.”
RELATED VIDEO: “RHOC’s” Shannon Beador Reveals She Lost 15 Pounds and Has 25 Pounds to Go
By the end of the their talk, Shannon seemed ready to take on a new attitude. It’ll be helpful as she and the rest of the Orange County Housewives are getting ready to take a trip to Iceland.
“I talk to you every single day, and I swear you cry once a day. Maybe you need a little time away from David right now,” Judge said.
Shannon agreed. “I have to say, times like that when I do go away I think [David] realizes how I keep the family together. So I hope he realizes,” Shannon said. “And if he doesn’t, well there’s nothing I can do.”
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.