Tortorella, 28, is sexually fluid and in an 11-year relationship with Bethany Meyers, a fitness and lifestyle entrepreneur, who identifies as gay.
They’re both open about their polyamorous relationship and how they identify themselves (Tortorella says he views himself as pansexual); he touches on these topics in his podcast, The Love Bomb.
“I think the way I use the word fluidity is like fluid in everything, fluid in train of thought,” he said. “It doesn’t always have to be one thing. The one thing anybody can talk about, no matter race, religion, sexuality or gender, is love.”
“We’re family,” said Tortorella, who, alongside Meyers, does not use the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” labels.
Even though they’ve been together for slightly more than a decade, Meyers admitted that navigating their relationship hasn’t always been easy — especially when trying to figure out how other romantic partners factor in.
“I think we’re raised with this idea that you’re supposed to go and find ‘the one,’ especially women,” Meyers explained. “You’re looking for your Prince Charming. You need to be proposed to. There’s this one person you’re searching to find, so the idea of finding a stability partner, and having other things on top of that, feels too messy.”
She added that dating apps have also placed certain sets of expectations on those looking for love.
“Then the dating apps make sense because now it’s easier to find ‘the one,’ ” she said. “You can swipe back and forth. You can do preliminary screening. It’s [like] a business tool.”
Even though Meyers identifies as gay, she embraces the queer label and shared that Tortorella is the only man she can imagine having a relationship with.
When it comes to sex, she admitted that she has no qualms about casual sex, whereas Tortorella told The Advocate he’d rather wait until he feels love for the other person.
“For me, sex is such an explosive exchange of energy between two people that if you’re not connected, energetically, before you have sex, it can be damaging,” he said about popular dating apps that have created a hookup culture.
“I totally understand people who want to have casual sex,” he added. “I think what you have to do in this scenario is stay in your lane. Find people who want similar things — physically, energetically, and emotionally.”
While Tortorella and Meyers don’t seek to put labels on themselves or each other, they say they understand the world’s need for them.
“I can be emotionally, physically attracted to men,” he said. “I can be emotionally, physically attracted to women. The ‘B’ in LGBTQ-plus has been fought for, for so long. I’m not going to be the person that’s like, ‘No, I need a ‘P,’ I need another letter!’ I stand by people that have paved this way for somebody like me.”