After her last relationship left her with a broken heart, Lillian Vilchez focused on her career, but the real estate agent is now ready to find lasting love with Tom Wilson, a yacht interior specialist, on Married at First Sight (a social experiment show where couples meet for the first time on their wedding day). The newlyweds are alternating each week blogging exclusively about the ups and downs of marriage for PEOPLE. Check back after every episode and follow them on Twitter: @Lillian_MAFS and @Tom_MAFS!
Wow, decision day is here! Decisions, decisions and hands down the most important decision I will ever make in my life!
I can’t stop thinking about this day, it’s so stressful: What do I do? Do I stay married or do I get a divorce? There are so many factors I need to take into account … I need to evaluate if staying in this marriage is really worth it — Is this what I want? Is Tom the person that I need in my life? So many questions are roaming in my mind, and I don’t know if I have answers yet.
Tom and I didn’t choose each other, just as I am not the person he was expecting, he wasn’t the person I was expecting. We are different people with different wants and needs, are our commonalities enough to keep this marriage together or will we eventually drift apart?
I didn’t get married to get a divorce; I got married at first sight because I was committed to my husband and my marriage even before I met Tom. I don’t think six weeks is enough to get to know a person or even enough time to decide to get a divorce, I want to get to know Tom beyond six weeks, I want to see his essence and who he really is, I want to get to know him beyond a TV show in private, behind closed doors. I have feelings for my husband, and I know I want to get to know him more but does he?
Roxana gave me some awesome advice and told me to make the decision for myself and do what was right for me and not concern myself about Tom’s decision because it’s just that — his decision. I can’t control what he wants, I can only be true to myself and although I’m so worried that he may want a divorce I do want to give us a chance beyond the six weeks. I refuse to believe you can END a MARRIAGE after ONLY six weeks!
The day before Decision Day, stress was high. The very air around us was tense and there were so many questions we both had. Tom kept saying he was only 80 percent sure of his decision and that scared me because I didn’t know what the 80 percent represented: Stay together or go our separate ways?
We did a gift exchange and Tom gave me a clock representing “time” — the time we have to get to know each other and grow together. I gave him a heart with our initials, which represents my heart and the fact that I want to grow from my past and my insecurities and build a future with him. I want Tom to see that my feelings and my commitment are real.
Later that evening, I wanted to lighten the mood so I dressed just like Tom with a black top and blue sweatpants, all I really wanted was for us to laugh a bit before Decision Day. We were already so stressed that I wanted to help dissipate that a bit if I could.
The next day I had a knot in my stomach because I had a feeling Tom wanted a divorce. He kept focusing on the negative; I kept focusing on the positive. I felt we’d had so many more good memories than sour ones, and even though we are so different … I want to stay married. I choose to stay married!
I see myself growing in love with my husband, and I see many great memories in our horizon, I can see us growing together, I hope Tom sees our potential as well and chooses to stay in this marriage. Waiting for him to say the words felt like FOREVER!! I was getting anxiety sitting in that chair and the words finally came out, “I want to stay together.” I felt relieved and now our marriage begins!
Well gotta go, it’s about that time where I put work aside and focus on my handsome husband! Aaaah! I can finally claim him to the public! He’s all mine!
Well guys guess what day it is?!? It’s finally Decision Day!
I can’t tell you how nervous I was about this day. The past six weeks with Lilly weren’t easy, and they’ve been filled with lots of ups and downs. What the cameras don’t show is Lilly and I lying in bed having deep discussions. What people see on the show is only half of our lives. I frequently talk with my brother Brian about life issues and marriage issues. I give my brother a call and ask him what he thinks about my decision. I told him that I really liked Lilly but felt she was struggling with personal issues. I told him about our issues and how some of Lilly’s personal issues were making me hold back. Lilly worried I might treat her like her ex-boyfriends or abandon her like her father abandoned her family.
I felt like at that point if I couldn’t show her I’m not like those other guys then I’d never know how to. My brother felt the same way. He said, “If you’re not happy and don’t want the marriage I would say end it.” Lilly wasn’t exactly the person I was hoping for, but I was convinced I needed to trust the experts’ decision.
After my talk with Brian I felt better about my decision. I felt 80 percent sure I knew what I wanted. I didn’t want to stay with Lilly only because of the pressure from the experts.
We decided to get gifts for each other that represent our relationship and journey. She made a huge heart and had our initials on it. (She gave me her heart!) That really stressed me out, but I tried not to let it affect my decision. If I wanted to stay together it would be because I wanted to try and make this marriage work. I decided to get Lilly a clock because from the beginning I’ve always said all we have is time. And looking back, it was time well spent. She really appreciated the metaphor.
The ride to meet the experts seemed like an eternity. The pressure of being in front of the experts and knowing I had Lillian’s heart was very nerve-racking! If I decided to end it, this could have crushed an already very volatile Lillian. I knew Lilly’s decision already — why would she give me her heart and then want a divorce? So I knew all the weight was on my shoulders and it was so heavy it was squeezing the sweat out of my body!
I couldn’t stop sweating so the producers came up with a brilliant idea: They ask me to stand up, and they put a maxi pad under my armpits — and it worked! TV magic, folks!
Lilly walked into the room, sat down and as I stared into those gorgeous eyes she told me she wanted to stay married. I told Lillian about how hard this decision had been for me and I that I’d decided that I want a divorce … Just kidding!! I said I wanted to stay married!!! Really?!? How could I base the rest of my life with someone on only six weeks? Lilly and I were so relieved by our decisions that we celebrated in Team Tillian fashion, by consummating our decision to stay married! ;-)
The next day we got to meet the other couple Nick and Sonia. We had breakfast with them, and Lilly and I really got to see just how hard we all had to try to make our marriages work. It felt so great to meet other people just as crazy as us! We had a blast and made new friends for life!
Well I have to run and get ready for a hot date with my wife! It feels so good to finally be able to say those words to the public!