Married at First Sight is back! On season 5 of Kinetic Content’s hit social experiment show, three couples meet for the first time at the altar just minutes before exchanging vows. The newlyweds (whose wedding portraits were taken by Mike Staff Productions) are alternating each week blogging exclusively about the ups and down of marriage for PEOPLE. Check back after every episode for the latest in their road to (possibly) happily ever after! This week’s blog comes from Cody Knapek, a 26-year-old entrepreneur, and his wife, Danielle DeGroot, a 30-year-old dietician.
What’s happening, Married at First Sight Fans!!!
Let’s hop right into the first scene and answer the question that everyone has been wondering for the last week: did Danielle and I finally do the deed?! I think I was just as hopeful as all the fans rooting for us that it would happen after our night of dancing and sushi! Unfortunately, I got the cold shoulder again! It’s frustrating because Danielle said she wants a man that can be assertive and confident, but it makes it really difficult to be when I’m getting turned down every time I try to step up, be assertive and take the lead. Even though I didn’t get any “nookie,” it was still a really fun night and Danielle and I still took a step forward in our relationship.
The next scene, it’s Danielle and I giving the dogs a bath! It’s very easy to see how much Danielle cares for them, and I love the boys too … they are a little wild, but once they calm down, they are the sweetest dogs ever. It’s a good opportunity to show Danielle she has someone that she can lean on. We have a really good time and we end the scene with a Zoolander-like water fight, which looks pretty cute watching it played back. Haha.
Moving on, we are actually getting up together for the first time. Normally, I would get up at 4 a.m. and Danielle would get up at 5 a.m. I remember us walking out to our cars giving each other a little kiss and wishing each other a good day, then getting in my car and thinking “holy cow, I feel soooo married!” Haha.
Danielle had a super crazy schedule. She would usually get home two hours later than I would from work, so I really tried stepping up for her and doing all the small things to make life easier, and show Danielle that I really care about my wife and our marriage. I know things like doing laundry, cleaning the house, and going grocery shopping aren’t the most “manly” things, but my definition of a “man” is someone that is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure the household and everyone in the household is taken care of and provided for.
To close out the episode, we are coming home from grocery shopping and Danielle reminds me to find out what time my friend’s wedding is next week. I RSVP’d to the wedding for both of us one week before I had even met Danielle. I thought it would be something really fun to do together and something that would help our marriage grow, in seeing other people make the commitment of marriage together. Danielle had to remind me a few times to find out what the time of the wedding was and she got really upset that I forget to text him. We found out that Danielle had plans to go to her friend’s birthday party at the same time and she got even more upset. It was frustrating because when I made the plans I didn’t even know Danielle — and I was trying to do something good for us.
I was trying so hard to make our marriage work and do all the small things, and it was really frustrating when I made a small mistake and Danielle seems like she’s ready to check out of the marriage. I really felt like I was walking on eggshells and she was almost looking for reasons for our marriage not to work.
We go back and forth on the couch and I ask her if there are any other things that I have dropped the ball on and she says “no,” but this one is a big enough deal. Between me being scared of heights, getting upset when my friends were upset with me, and then forgetting to text my friend, Danielle was really quick to say that she doesn’t see myself as a good husband.
I ask Danielle the question “does part of you not want the marriage to work?” That question didn’t stem from that argument, but the night before, when we were laying in bed, I told Danielle how important she was to me and how much our marriage meant to me and she just made a joke and laughed. It kind of hurt because I was trying to open up and it just seemed like she didn’t care anymore.
When I signed up for this, I never imagined my marriage going this bad, it was so disappointing. I think something that helped me along the way was I had a coach in college, and anytime we would be in a tough situation of a game or practice, he would remind our team “It’s not supposed to be easy, great things are never achieved by doing easy.” I would remind myself everyday that building a great marriage is gonna be tough, but I have to keep putting in the work! So even though we are here in a place I never imagined, I’m not giving up!
In case I don’t see ya … good afternoon, good evening, and good night!
Cody Knapek : )
Sorry, y’all … still no sexy time! Womp womp. My schedule was bonkers and I was so sleep-deprived by the time I hit the bed, it was lights out. I didn’t even wake up for our ghost, Casper. In all seriousness, Cody putting the treadmill up for me was awesome. With work and my 1.5-hour commute one way and us working at our marriage/filming all evening, I was exhausted. Him helping with things around the house and with the dogs was a huge help.
Since we weren’t physically intimate (obviously), these types of gestures were nice ways to help build emotional intimacy. So much of my physical desires are stemmed from my brain and heart that for me to get to the physical, I needed to be there emotionally first. However, I agree with Dr. Pepper. We needed to get to the physical eventually because that is what differentiates a friendship from a relationship. This worried me because now I was beginning to feel pressured.
I empathized with Cody about being closer with his mom growing up and that his interests didn’t lie in some stereotypical male roles such as using tools, working on cars, etc. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, but I also had to be honest about what characteristics made me feel attracted and fulfilled in a relationship. I can appreciate what Pastor Cal said regarding preconceived notions about what I was looking for in a spouse, but as for trusting the match, I always trust my gut and heart first.
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After going through a last minute wedding and feeling the stress caused by figuring out who’s attending, I was very sensitive to the schedule conflict with Cody’s friend’s wedding and my friend’s birthday. I could NOT miss my best friend since I was 6 years old’s 30th birthday, especially after she dropped everything to be there for me for my wedding. I didn’t want to no-show a wedding that was RSVP’d for two plates either. We found out the day after the wedding about this conflict and two weeks later, we still didn’t have an answer. This was a part of the assertiveness I wanted to see. If you say you’re going to do something … make it happen.
Part of what you don’t see is that we had other communication issues. Cody is a talker and planner and sometimes we talked and talked the same conversation to death, but I wanted to see action, not just hear about it. I also felt that Cody would cut me off mid-sentence frequently and the way I took that was that he wasn’t really listening or interested in what I had to say. So when he didn’t get back to me about the wedding/birthday conflict after me asking many times (how long does it take to send a text asking what time the wedding is?), I felt unheard again. I believe that when you’re truly into someone, you pay attention to what they have to say and so this made me question how he actually felt about me. There was a lot of talking the talk, but not walking the walk.
When Cody asked if I wanted the marriage not to work, I was insulted. To be accused of wanting my marriage to fail when I felt I was being patient and giving my all, was a slap in the face. We clearly still had work to do in the communication department.
Married at First Sight airs Thursdays (9 p.m. ET) on Lifetime.