She lived it – but Kyle Richards says she needs to “prepare” before she can watch the emotional season finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Thursday night.
“All I can say is this is what I’ve been dreading the whole season,” Richards told PEOPLE at the NBC/Universal Golden Globes afterparty in Beverly Hills. “What’s coming up created an enormous amount of anxiety for me and it’s a very emotional and very difficult episode to see.”
But Richards says she’s prided herself on acting with integrity throughout the course of the show.
“When I signed on to do this, I said I’m just going to be myself one hundred percent and let my guard down,” she said. “Hopefully some of the good shines through, even though some of the bad is evident.”
Richards hopes viewers will “look at the whole picture” when they watch the finale, which promises a big blowup with her sister, Kim.
“I get some flack for my relationship with my sister, but you’re just seeing parts that are on screen so it’s very hard to understand a relationship that has been so many years in the making,” Richards, 42, said.
And what’s the current state of her relationship with Kim? “We’re working on things. We’re working on it,” she said. “You don’t see what goes on in the rest of our lives. We love each other a lot.”
In addition to the family feud, Richards and castmate Camille Grammer butted heads throughout the season – providing the Bravo show’s most consistent drama. Still, Richards says she empathizes with Grammer.
“I know that Camille has gone through a very hard time and I know we’ve had our problems, ” she said. “But I’m a woman; I’m a mom and a wife, so I hate to see anybody go through something like that.”
In fact, she’s reached out via e-mail to send her support.
“I have reached out to her quite a few times,” Richards said. “In the beginning she wasn’t very receptive, but other times she has said, ‘Thank you very much. I appreciate that.’ ”