While alone in her No Address Hotel room on Oct. 3, Kardashian West was bound, gagged and held at gunpoint while five masked men invaded her apartment and robbed her of millions of dollars worth of jewels during Paris Fashion Week. Following the horrific Paris heist, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star largely remained out of the public eye for three months by canceling all public appearances and retreating from engaging on social media.
Although she’s slowly begun returning to the spotlight, a source tells PEOPLE that the traumatic events from that night are still difficult for her.
“Kim has come a long way from the robbery but that said, it’s a daily struggle to move past it and she probably never will be past it entirely,” says the source close to the reality star.
A second source tells PEOPLE that, “Kim still speaks of the robbery as the most horrific experience she has ever had” and “is still vulnerable and cries about the robbery.”
But despite the negative impact that the robbery had on the 36-year-old KUWTK star, the experience has helped put things into perspective in her life and shifted her focus back onto her two children — daughter North, 3, and son Saint, 15 months — and marriage.
“While she would never wish the experience on anyone, it put things into better perspective for her — what really matters and that family comes first. To have the Kanye situation happen right after was just the worst timing,” says the first source about Kanye West‘s hospitalization at the end of November. “She wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle that at the time and it strained their relationship and put a ton of stress and anxiety back into her life. They’ve worked through a lot of that and have gotten even closer. It was hard to relive it for the show but in a way it ended up being cathartic and helped her work through and process it even more.”
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The second source adds that although the “robbery really changed” the Kimoji creator, she views the shift in her personal as a “positive change” and is enjoying her new, slowed-down routine.
“She very much likes her new normal. She knows that if the robbery never happened, these changes wouldn’t have happened either. She is taking the horrific experience and focusing on the good aftermath. Before the robbery, Kim was often stressed out about her family/work balance. She many times felt that work overtook and she often missed her kids,” says the second source. “This all changed after the robbery. Now, Kim very much enjoys being a mom first. Work comes second. She loves being at home with her kids and is much happier.”
On Sunday’s episode of KUWTK, Kardashian West opened up about the life-threatening experience and how she managed to survive the attack to sisters Kourtney and Khloé Kardashian.
“It was really hard for me when the police started to show up, because they were dressed in the same uniforms, except for the face masks,” Kardashian West said. “I was like, ‘Who do I believe? What is real? What is going on?’ ”
Keeping Up with the Kardashians airs Sundays (9 p.m. ET) on E!