The lack of fragile masculinity on Vanderpump Rules. — the guys are open about cuddling in bed on boys’ trips, they aren’t afraid to say “I love you,” and Jax Taylor wasn’t remotely fazed by rumors about the nature of his relationship with an older gay man when he began as a model in Miami — has always been refreshing.
So it’s perfectly possible that the friendship between James Kennedy and his gay BFF Logan is platonic. In fact, it would arguably be homophobic to assume otherwise. But that’s not what the producers want us to think — or the impression given to some of the SUR staff.
The bottom line is that James’ sexuality is James’ business. But since his reality TV show is not so subtly dropping hints about his preferences, let’s just lay it all out here.
First: Pastagate. On Monday night’s episode, James tells Logan and Lala Kent that his college student/beauty queen girlfriend Raquel is moving in, and he’s cleared her a drawer for her belongings. But after a gin and grape soda, double shots of vodka and a double shot of bourbon, the DJ is extra sensitive.
“I get to go to bed with a sexy, brunette supermodel every night,” he tells his friends. “Are you excited for me that I’m happy in a relationship?”
Logan replies with either “barely” or a sarcastic “very” — he’s mumbling.
“Do you have a problem with her?” James asks.
“Honey, did you not see them at you’re f—ing See You Next Tuesday? We ate all her pasta, and she didn’t give us permission,” Lala says, laughing.
James calls her a b—.
“Why, because I told you that I ate pasta?” she asks, incredulous.
“Oh, yeah, you think you can be mean? You want to bully a little girl with her pasta? Poor Raquel? A more beautiful woman than you will ever be?” he shoots back. “Don’t f— with my b—-, because I will f— with your fat f— man.”
Lala, like viewers everywhere, is stunned. She expects that kind of smack talk from the Witches of Weho — not her truest SUR ally.
“He’s gonna get bored of you, and he’s gonna be on to the next young, pretty blonde. You want the truth?” James spits, referencing Kent’s recently divorced boyfriend, Hollywood producer Randall Emmett.
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Lala tries to calm him down: “James, I literally said that Raquel said, ‘Do you want some of my pasta?’ and it was devoured by the time she —”
“We’re not talking about the damn pasta, get over it. You’ve always been a b—- to her, to Raquel,” he says. “Honey, honey, you f— a fat man because he pays for your rent.”
“You know what? You can’t say whatever the f— you want. Learn your f—ing place, motherf—er, or else you’re gonna learn real goddamn quick when you look next to you and I’m not there anymore,” she yells. “You’re gonna be real f—ing upset. So know how the f— to talk to somebody when they’re your friend. I’m out.”
Lala storms out of the restaurant, and at Logan’s insistence, he offers a meek apology. But when Lala stands her ground, James continues her tirade. It was a dig, he says. It was a joke, she insists.
“IT AIN’T ABOUT THE PASTA!” he screams on the sidewalk as Lala ignores him, presumably waiting for the valet to bring around her Range Rover. “IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA!”
Then, a more softly, “It’s not about the pasta.”
Apparently, it’s about respect. But also, a little bit, it’s gotta be about the pasta.
We next see James, Raquel and Logan celebrating Gay Pride at SUR’s annual post-parade party, after Lisa Vanderpump introduces the crowd to hostess Billie Lee.
“I am transgender. I went through so much of my life ashamed of who I was, and I went through a transition where I wasn’t accepted by society. And this woman hired me, and you accepted me,” an emotional Billie Lee says. Then, she bonds with Jax, which is kind of the new-girl-at-SUR rite of passage. Time will tell how this friendship works out …
After that heartwarming moment, it’s back to the alleged love triangle: James and Logan, both a little tipsy, are acting affectionately enough that Jax takes notice.
“Watching James and Logan interact for like two seconds, I don’t know what’s going on,” he says in a confessional. “I don’t know, it’s weird. I just don’t know who’s the top and who’s the bottom.”
At their table, James expresses how much he appreciates Logan as a friend, adding, “Do I think you’re in love with me? Absolutely.”
“Oh, you’re in love with me also,” Logan teases.
“As a best friend, yeah,” James says.
“Oh, as more,” Logan insists. “Love you!”
“Oh, as more?” James asks, smiling.
“As a lot more,” Logan says.
Then, he turns to Raquel. And if looks could kill, Logan would have been declared D.O.A. about five minutes ago.
“Me and James just have a very deep relationship, so for me it’s like, I just always look out for him, you know?” Logan says.
“Yeah, but there’s something going on,” Raquel say, frowning as James plants a kiss on her lips.
That’s it for now, but in a preview for next week, Jax informs James, “Logan is telling people that you guys are hooking up.” Time will tell how James reacts.
Meanwhile, Scheana Marie is still upset about the rumor that her boyfriend Rob smooched another woman, and she cries when he stops by as she’s opening the restaurant. Instead of being upset at her man for putting her in this position, though, she’s focusing her rage on Katie Maloney, Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute for spreading word of the alleged sighting.
“Listen, life is hard enough as it is. That’s why you want good people in your life,” Rob says. “And if I’m literally going to be in your life and it doesn’t work for me, then that’s it.”
“Friends wouldn’t do this to me,” Scheana replies.
“You can’t lose your smile because of people. That’s what people want,” he says.
“I love you,” she coos, as he remains rested against the bar, his arms crossed. Yeah, she’s explained that he’s not “a kisser,” but … awkward.
Later, Scheana confesses to Lala that they haven’t had sex in a week and isn’t eating. Lala observes that she “looks as if she has lost 10 lbs.”
“I believe that she strives to have everything perfect in her life. I know that her not eating right now has everything to do with being stressed about Rob,” she tells the camera. “That’s not healthy! Girl, take down a chicken sandwich.”
Close enough: Lisa makes Scheana eat a croissant sandwich, which had, ironically, been ordered for one of Katie’s tables.
“This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life,” Scheana tells her boss. “Why are they trying to bring us down? We’ve been perfect. Literally perfect.”
But it all sounds too familiar, as Lisa remembers Scheana putting on a smile through the demise of her marriage to Shay.
“I remember having conversations with you about Shay and you’re like ‘Everything’s fine, everything’s fine,'” Lisa says as the scene cuts to that footage from just 10 months earlier. “You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Even if this relationship doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world.”
“Well, it’s gonna work out, because we’re meant to be together,” Scheana insists. Spoiler alert: They weren’t, at least not for now. The couple split in October, and Rob confirmed her “savage” circle of friends was a factor.
Finally, Brittany Cartwright‘s mom flies in from Kentucky courtesy of Kristen — to her surprise and Jax’s (presumed) dismay.
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo.