Dana Rose Falcone
November 28, 2017 12:00 AM

Welcome to the Floribama Shore, where the sun always shines, alcohol is constantly flowing and everyone just wants to have a good time. The eight housemates on the new MTV series are no different, each of them hoping Florida’s Panama City Beach will give them the summer of their lives.

On Monday’s two-hour premiere, the castmates didn’t have a duck phone, smush room or GTL routine, but Aimee, Candace, Codi, Gus, Jeremiah, Kirk, Kortni and Nilsa proved they can get just as crazy as their Jersey Shore predecessors — with a sprinkling of Southern charm. Unlike Snooki and co., though, the new Shore class doesn’t waste any time opening up about their backgrounds, not-so-pristine pasts and how they’re hoping to grow this summer, whether that means finding a wife or a newfound maturity. Here’s how the Floribama Shore crew made their first impressions.

Warning: This recap is unapologetically NSFW.

Nilsa Prowant

MTV

The first to arrive at the house with her friend Kortni, Nilsa is a PCB local who, at 23, is recently separated and looking to mingle.

“I made a mistake getting married so young, but this summer, I’m single and ready to do me,” Nilsa declares early on. During their first “family dinner,” Nilsa reveals her marriage to a Marine crumbled after she had a miscarriage and then her husband cheated on her.

Now, “It’s my first summer that I’ve been single in a long-a– time,” Nilsa explains. “I’m so looking forward to hooking up with a bunch of guys because I’m single and I get to freakin’ do that.”

Gus is the first guy to be drawn to Nilsa, so he asks her out to dinner, which she begrudgingly agrees to. Nilsa has her eyes on Jeremiah, though, so when Gus mentions over dinner that Jeremiah asked out Kortni, she quickly turns on both her friend and Gus.

“He likes the loud obnoxious girl?” Nilsa asks Gus, before asserting to the producers, “At the end of the day if I want Jeremiah, I will have Jeremiah. Kortni is no competition for me.”

The fact that Nilsa turns on her one true friend in the house for a man she’s known for less than 48 hours is particularly unbecoming since Kortni springs to Nilsa’s defense when Nilsa claims Jeremiah’s lady friend made the “I’m watching you” gesture to her one messy night out.

“If somebody messes with Nilsa, I have her back,” Kortni says. “That’s my friend.”

Kortni stops short of starting a fight with Jeremiah’s lust interest, Mary Jo, but Nilsa proceeds to verbally assault her when he brings Mary Jo back to the house for a pool party the next night. “Look at her, she’s my mother’s age,” Nilsa says of Mary Jo, who is 30.

Nilsa retreats with (alligator) phone in hand ready to call her ex-husband, but Codi urges her to make nice with Mary Jo, because, in no uncertain terms, Jeremiah will never sleep with her.

So far, Nilsa’s failed attempts to lure Jeremiah have included flashing him while he cleaned the kitchen, walking in on him in the shower and making a crude joke about her vagina. Still, her most memorable effort at getting something in her mouth came when Nilsa and Aimee wanted to order pizza delivery after a night out, only to find that every nearby establishment was closed — or they didn’t know their address. “Who do I have to blow to get a pizza around here?” she asks.

Kortni Gilson

MTV

Kortni is quite literally the wild child of the group. At 21 years old, Kortni enters the house having never lived with anyone but her parents, so she wants to “grow up a little bit” and become “more independent.” But passing out before the crew hits the club on the first night doesn’t make quite that impression. After keeping the shots flowing at the pregame, Kortni is in bed by 9:30 p.m. — and then wakes up, hops over to Candace’s bed and uses it as a toilet.

Kortni’s bed-wetting antics quickly establish her as the housemates’ hottest mess, and the next day, she doesn’t even remember urinating on her roommate’s sheets.

“I did not pee the bed,” Kortni insists. “I’m being framed. I’m being freakin’ framed and I will bet money on it.” She does, however, admit, “I wasn’t just blacked out, I was blacked the hell out.” But that doesn’t Kortni her from getting wild at the beach, where she flashes a group of beachgoers, chugs beers and pees in a garbage can.

This behavior somehow attracts Jeremiah, who confesses, “I cant quite explain it, but it’s sexy to me.” With Gus’s encouragement, Jeremiah asks Kortni out to dinner, where they enjoy hibachi while Kortni mispronounces “cognac” and gets sake squirted into her mouth by the chef. Jeremiah asserts that they’ll be splitting the check (“Did I stutter?” he asks), and Kortni seems fine with the implication that he just wants to be friends — until she sneaks into his bed back home wearing a giraffe onesie. The two platonically spend the night together in Jeremiah’s twin bed, while she’s wrapped in a blanket burrito and his arm lays ever so gently atop her cocooned body.

It’s unclear when Kortni got drunk enough to think that was a good idea, but the next morning, she doesn’t recall why she went into his bed or put on the onesie. Either way, her behavior encourages Jeremiah to try to spell out that he thinks “we’re more like bros.” So he tells her, “You’re a really cool person to hang out with, and I don’t want anything lingering.” Kortni is of course cool with this, because, “I’m not your normal female,” she says. “I’m not your average fake hoe. I’m straight up.” Kortni, also a self-proclaimed tomboy, goes on to make out with a girl at the club and jump in the pool fully clothed.

While stumbling out of the cab topless and wearing sunglasses, Kortni declares, “I’m a trashed-ass bitch.”

Jeremiah Buoni

MTV

The Clark Kent lookalike hails from Florida’s Amelia Island and wants to break the age-old stereotype that homeschooled kids are weird. Jeremiah fails to do that, though, when he wears suspenders on his date with Kortni, constantly chooses cleaning the kitchen as his late-night drunk activity of choice and pulls out dance moves that welcome comparison to a less attractive superhero. “Have you ever seen the Incredible Hunk try to dance?” Codi jokes. “It’s so awkward looking.”

Jeremiah also shares that his parents met a strip club where his dad danced — his signature song was Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” Accordingly, Jeremiah’s dating philosophy is a bit skewed. “Being a southern boy, I have to be a gentleman and a douchebag at the same time, because I feel like that’s what women look for,” he says.

Just like Dad, Jeremiah picks up a lady while at work, which for the housemates, means serving as beach concierges. Instead of lugging lounge chairs and closing umbrellas, Jeremiah opts for paddle boarding with Mary Jo. He gets her number and invites Mary Jo for a night of debauchery with the roommates, where she makes the aforementioned “I’m watching you” motion at Nilsa. Mary Jo’s explanation: “I thought that was ‘Hey, what’s up?’ ” What’s worse than that defense is that Jeremiah buys it. “How can you take offense to that, especially when they act cute when they do it?” he says.

Mary Jo doesn’t want to come back with Jeremiah after Kortni and Nilsa team up against her, but Jeremiah anticipates that the next night, he might get lucky, so he berates Aimee to clean up the clothes on her bed. She does, and Jeremiah’s instincts were right. Mary Jo leaves with him after another night at La Vela (Floribama‘s Karma) and (surprisingly) becomes BFFs with Kortni.

Gus Smyrnios

MTV

Unlike his DTF roommates, Gus, 22, wants to find love in Panama City Beach. His highly-styled hair, toned arms and homemade cut-off plaid shirts — or “back thongs,” as Gust deems them — lead Candace to think he’s an Instagram model, but Gus reveals that in fact he’s a farmer who was kicked out of his house at 17.

“I was homeless for a little while,” he professes. “I got kicked out at 17. I was living on my friends’ couches for literally a year and a half.”

When Nilsa leaves him heartbroken — and with a $150 check that he brings up for days after their dinner — Gus laments that she might’ve tainted his reputation among the other locals and ruined his prospects at love. His attitude quickly changes, though, when he meets Ellen, a fellow clubgoer who’s only in town until Sunday. But that leaves plenty of time for a dance floor makeout.

“I got a good old smoochin’ from his girl, and I didn’t even have to drop $150,” Gus says. “So it was a successful night.”

Gus is also the house’s resident pretty boy, comparing himself to a cheetah who’s after weights, which are gazelles. He also turns down pancakes because, “We don’t have sugar-free syrup.”

Codi Butts

MTV

In addition to endless opportunities to wear American flag-printed pieces of clothing, Codi, 25, looks forward to taking a break from bartending at an “old people bar” and hanging out with his contemporaries this summer. Codi arrives at the house with his collar popped and alleges that he’s the “epitome of southern.”

“When I go out I like to look good, collars popped. I like to match,” he explains, “But I also can get down. I can get dirty.”

Codi expands on this by asserting he’s “ready to twerk something” before the roomies’ first night out and feels disappointed when Kortni and Mary Jo don’t physically fight. “I was hoping for a good country ass whoopin’,” he says.

Codi’s love for booze, BBQ and all things ‘Merica seems takes a turn from fun-loving when he attacks Nilsa after the gang’s latest night out, claiming she’s only calling her ex so he can buy her more implants.

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Kirk Medas

MTV

Similar to Codi, Kirk finds himself in PCB after his native Atlanta has “drained him out.”

“It’s time to make some drastic changes, and do something better with my life,” says Kirk, 25.

He doesn’t do much in the first two episodes, though, remaining mostly an observer during the early days at the house. While he taking shots, hits the bar and works on the beach with the rest of the group, Kirk hasn’t made waves just yet. He even sits quietly at the inaugural dinner when Nilsa opens up about her miscarriage and divorce.

Kirk does have the ability to see the best in people, though. “I just feel like she has this thing against toilets,” he says after finding Kortni peeing in a garbage can on the beach. “I don’t know if they were beefing back in the day, but if it’s not a toilet, she’ll pee in it.”

Aimee Hall

MTV

Aimee puts the ‘bama in Floribama, arriving in PCB by way of Perdido, Alabama, which she calls “the smallest town ever.” Before coming on the show, Aimee, 24, ended her relationship of 10 years because her ex got someone else pregnant and cheated on her with her cousin. “But that’s normal in Alabama,” she assures.

Now Aimee is ready to have flings of her own. “I feel like the walking dumba** of Perdido, Alabama,” she says. “I just want to have one-night stands.”

Certainly not the classic Southern belle, Aimee packs Raman noodles in her suitcase, calls the boys “high maintenance” and admits her nights outs usually end in brawls, which isn’t something she sees “bougie northern people” do. When getting her first-ever pedicure, Aimee, says, “This is 24 years of crust on the bottom of my feet.”

But Aimee shows her bougie side when at work orientation she tells their supervisor, “If I could work inside, that would be wonderful.”

Candace Rice

MTV

Approaching 25, Candace hopes to avoid a quarter-life crisis this summer. “It’s about me proving to myself that I’m still young enough, beautiful enough to find me a man,” she says.

But when she does meet a man, Matthew — “We woo each other with dance moves,” Candace gushes — she gets his number and doesn’t call him! Which is made more awkward when Candace runs into Matthew the next night and claims to have lost his number.

Candace makes it clear that she is there for herself, asserting that she won’t take care of a clearly belligerent Kortni. And when she comes back to a wet bad, Candace pledges “Candace don’t sleep on couches … I’m not comfortable sleeping in new people’s pee. I’m not comfortable sleeping in old people’s pee, so with that said, I’m just gonna sleep in Clark Kent’s bed.”

She’s grossed out yet again when the girls accompany Aimee for her first pedicure. “It’s like Parmesan cheese, but a big stack of it,” Candace says of the shavings from Aimee’s feet.

Floribama Shore airs Mondays on MTV at 10 p.m. ET.

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