“I’ve definitely been thinking about it and that’s the one thing that’s holding me back, honestly,” the 25-year-old told PEOPLE of her previous battle with PPD. “Especially because they say if you’ve had postpartum once, you have a higher chance of getting it with your next.”
“With Nova, I thought it was severe because I struggled with anxiety already and panic attacks and depression,” Baltierra continued. “So that is definitely the thing that scares me the most. I want to have a big family and have a lot of kids, but it’s scary. It’s definitely scary.”
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The Teen Mom OG star revealed that she and her counselor will have a plan set in place for when she’s ready to stop taking her birth control and focus on getting pregnant again. Baltierra also revealed that if she experiences PPD with the next child, she’s going to feel more comfortable reaching out for help this time.
“I told my mom if that ever happens again, my strategy is going to be to tell her I need her help and that I need her to come here and help me. I would want her to come here and spend the night,” she said. “People used to dog on me bad, but I don’t think people understood the fact that my panic attacks are paralytic panic attacks, which is where I can not think, I can not function or move or hear any noises. I just sit in a ball and cry. It’s weird, but I cannot function.”
“So how am I going to be able to take care of a newborn when I can’t take care of myself during those moments?” Baltierra continued. “It sucked and I felt guilty for a really long time. But now, two years up the road, I’m like, ‘Don’t feel guilty. You took the time to get the help you needed and now you’re more educated, so when you do have another one you know what to do.’ ”
Teen Mom OG airs Mondays (9 p.m. ET) on MTV.