The New Celebrity Apprentice is back with Arnold Schwarzenegger as its host and contestant Carson Kressley competing in the board room. This season, Kressley will be blogging exclusively about each and every week for PEOPLE – check back weekly and follow him on Twitter at @!
Well kids, we are heading into the home stretch on The New Celebrity Apprentice. Buckle up buttercups, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
So this week, team Prima was comprised of little ole me and Lisa Leslie. Everyone else was gone, decimated by the drama of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter task!
This had me feeling unsettled to say they least.
But then, like a ray of hope, Boy George was added to our team. I felt like our Karma was a chameleon indeed and our luck was about to change!
Then, just to dash all my hopes and dreams, Arnold Schwarzenegger told us our task was centered around an L.A. Clippers game. I. Have. No. Idea. How. Basketball. Works. I thought the L.A. Clippers were a chain of inexpensive L.A.-based men’s hair salons. Wrong.
But alas, we had Lisa Leslie, women’s NBA star and four-time Olympian on our team. We got this, I thought to myself.
Now Lisa has been the queen of CYA and she’ll get that sash back soon enough, but she was a real champ in this challenge. There’s just three of us, but I thought our human resources were well utilized with Lisa organizing us, me designing the T-shirt and George penning our fight song.
I knew if we could be creative and do a great commemorative T-shirt that we could win. And honestly, I wasn’t worried about team Arete being more creative than us. I just wasn’t.
Over on team Arete, things were going just as I thought. Good idea. Nice execution. But no sizzle — and the sizzle sells the steak kids.
I cannot tell you how intimidating it was to perform during a Clippers game. People were there to see a pro basketball game. And they were not there to see a bunch of us running around trying to get them on their feet. I mean, even their pro cheerleaders have a hard time doing this. I mean, a timeout is when you check your Tinder account or eat a hot dog. Or both if you’re feeling extra lucky.
Honestly, I didn’t know if we were going to win after our performance. The only thing I knew for sure was that our T-shirt was great and I was going to make sure it was personally delivered to the team owner, Steve Ballmer. I may not know anything about basketball, but I know about personalized service.
Later on in the board room, I was thrilled to see that it worked like a charm. People like to be made to feel special — even billionaire pro sports team owners. Hmmm. I wonder if Steve has any lonely single billionaire friends he’s looking to set up with a sassy gay style guru?
Well, I was relieved we won. I felt a little bad saying the other team’s T-shirt was “not special.” But it wasn’t and times are getting tough in the board room and honesty is the only game in town at this point.
Laila Ali was a taken to task in the board room for her low energy and I have to say, at this point in the competition, we have been running on very little sleep and the Cortisol is starting to replace the blood in our veins. Laila was sick (but still looked great — yay under eye concealer and moisturizing foundation!) and it was hard for her to be energetic. But when it came time to fight for her right to be there, she stepped up and made a great and unapologetic case for herself. Yes girl. I thought she and the Governor were gonna throw down!!! She was not having it!
Brooke has nine lives and even though her T-shirt design was a big part of their loss, she managed to save herself. Wow. She is good!
Ricky went home graciously. I really liked him and always fondly remember applying baby oil to his rippling muscles for the Kawasaki task. Good times. Good times.
Now the end is near. There are only two more tasks left before the finale.
Fresh from our win, I was feeling confident and brave. I volunteered to lead the team on the QVC sales task. I’ve been on QVC hundreds of times, so I thought it would be a cake walk. Bad metaphor since we were selling fitness equipment! I should have known better. I haven’t worked out since 2009.
Brooke would be the other team leader and she was perfect for it. She is a fitness instructor by trade and has a famous booty burn class in Malibu. Who wants their booty to burn anyway? Whatevs.
Well, it turns out this would be the death of me. We chose a product that just didn’t resonate with the customers and our presentation just wasn’t as good as Brooke’s. We did just fine but she did great.
In the boardroom, we were questioned about whether Lisa should have been the front man. Now yes, she is an athlete, but we needed to bring the fun. Brooke won because her workout looked fun. Sorry, but Lisa is just not fun. And I stick by my decision.
My motto is “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” I would much rather take a chance and go down in a blaze of glory than play it safe and be boring.
And as Arnold says, “I’ll be back.”
The New Celebrity Apprentice airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on NBC.