Happy Monday, Bachelor Nation. We’re on the third episode of The Bachelorette, and you know what that means — the men are inevitably starting to go stir-crazy in the mansion, and the claws are coming out. On this week’s episode there were several shirtless scenes, quite a few catfights and one surprise elimination. Let’s jump in.
COCKTAIL PARTY & ROSE CEREMONY, CONTINUED
Picking up where we left off last week, disgraced DeMario returned to beg for one last chance after he was gloriously exposed for lying about having a girlfriend back home. On Monday’s episode, he showed up in the middle of the cocktail party and pleaded for Rachel’s forgiveness in the driveway while every single other contestant hovered protectively 10 feet away.
Unsurprisingly, DeMario is not very good at groveling and essentially made the whole apology about himself. “In order to experience joy, you need pain” — just stop right there. Rachel, our queen, was pretty much like, thanks, but no thanks, you’re a man-child.
Rachel: “What I saw yesterday — that was a boy, and I’m looking for a man.”
Once she returned to the cocktail party, Rachel was faced with more unpleasantness, this time in the form of Lucas, who has only gotten more insufferable as time goes on. Lucas decided to use his time with Rachel to bring up his arch nemesis Blake and proceeded to accuse him of standing over his bed while he sleeps, eating a banana. Rachel then had to confront Blake about the disturbing banana allegations. LE SIGH. Can she please go back to making out with Peter?
Rachel: “Lucas said something to me about you standing over his bed while he sleeps, eating over him with a peeled banana?”
Blake: “Well, one of those is for sure not true because I don’t eat carbs.”
YOU MISSED THE POINT OF THE QUESTION THERE BLAKE. SHE WASN’T ASKING IF YOU ENJOY BANANAS.
Blake is so obsessed with Lucas it’s almost concerning. By the time the rose ceremony rolled around, even he started to realize that he had spent legitimately every interview talking about him and should probably chill.
Blake: “The more I talk about it, the more it seems like I’m bitter and I’m the crazy one. You can see how riled up it gets me just thinking about it.”
… Blake, are you … in love with Lucas?
Lucas: “Knowing as much as I know about Rachel, she wants a guy that she’s sexually attracted to, but she also wants a guy with a sense of humor.”
So, that rules you out on both counts then, Lucas.
Spoiler alert: Rachel sent Blake and Lucas home, thank God. But it wasn’t over yet, because Blake just couldn’t leave without one last lover’s quarrel with Lucas.
Blake: “At least I’m not a failed comedian — I’m a personal trainer!”
And a 31-year-old aspiring drummer. Let’s not forget about that one, Blake. Fare thee well.
FIRST GROUP DATE
For the first group date this week, Rachel took Fred, Alex, Jonathan, Bryan, Will and Peter to The Ellen DeGeneres show. Obviously the men were forced to dance around shirtless and collect money from women in the audience, and we’re just here to say that they all enjoyed that a little too much.
The guys also played a game of Never Have I Ever, which publicly revealed that at that point, of the six guys on the date, Jonathan, Alex and Fred still hadn’t kissed Rachel — and that’s when things got weird.
Fred (who went to grade school with Rachel) declared he had been waiting 20 years to kiss her and became fixated on making it happen during the evening portion of the group date. So fixated, in fact, that he couldn’t let it happen organically — so he straight up asked her if he could just do it. Everyone knows that asking someone for permission to kiss them before doing so is the least sexy move of all time, and Rachel recoiled in appropriate disgust and said no. But instead of backing down, Fred decided to swoop in literally mid-sentence a few seconds later.
What followed was probably one of the worst first kisses in the history of first kisses. Rachel later admitted that kissing Fred felt like kissing “a little boy,” and there’s no recovering from that. Unfortunately, Fred did not feel the same way and instead started making all kinds of red-flag statements.
Fred: “The feeling that came after kissing her was of bliss. I saw me in a tuxedo, I saw her in a wedding gown.”
After the kiss fiasco, it was time for Rachel to hand out the group date rose — but not before taking Fred aside and sending him home right then and there. And just when you thought she’d been through enough trauma in one night, she had to take the longest elevator ride of all time downstairs with him. In total silence.
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ONE-ON-ONE WITH ANTHONY / ERIC DRAMA BEGINS
Rachel’s one-on-one this week was with Anthony, who is a great guy but probably isn’t going to be Rachel’s husband. For their date, the two strolled around and shopped Rodeo Drive on horseback. (Horse cupcake from Sprinkles included.)
Anthony got the one-on-one rose, and when he returned to the mansion that evening, Eric decided to ask him about how the date had gone since he had been feeling uneasy about his own relationship with Rachel. (Eric had been voicing his concerns about the situation with a few of the other guys that morning, admitting that he didn’t know where Rachel’s head was at and felt that she was “emotionally unavailable” to him.)
Halfway through Eric and Anthony’s conversation, Iggy decided to sit down with them and brought up the topic of Rachel’s approach to the show. Eric’s response seemed to question Rachel, with him saying that it seemed like she was “playing a game until she gets what she’s supposed to get.” That prompted an argument with Iggy, who got protective and started to defend Rachel — all of which would eventually spark major drama at the cocktail party. (More on that later.)
SECOND GROUP DATE
The next day, Rachel invited her Bachelor besties Corinne Olympios, Alexis Waters, Raven Gates and Jasmine Goode over for the group date, which was with Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric.
They took the boys mud wrestling, which was highly entertaining — but the real drama actually went down on the bus on the way to the bar, when Raven asked Bryce and Lee who they felt was the least appropriate guy for Rachel — and they both said Eric.
Raven later passed on this information to Rachel, who was taken aback and decided to bring it up with Eric during the evening portion of the date that night. Eric — who, by the way, was wearing a ridiculous scarf and looked like a high schooler trying to hide a hickey — did his best to defend himself, and Rachel decided to take his word for it, reassuring him that she had feelings for him and was glad that he’s there.
After his conversation with Rachel, Eric returned to the rest of the group to confront Bryce and Lee. (Important side note: this is Lee.) Bryce, for his part, wriggled right out of the situation, insisting that he never questioned Eric’s motives — but things escalated when Lee pointed out that Eric has the least amount of relationship experience in the house and has never been in love. The two argued back and forth for a while, but when Rachel returned she had a group date rose to hand out … and ‘lo and behold, it went to Eric.
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At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party the next day, some of the guys’ feathers were slightly ruffled at the fact that Eric had secured a rose and was safe for the week — especially Iggy. During his time with Rachel, Iggy brought up his confrontation with Eric in the house and told her that Eric had questioned how “genuine” she is, which Rachel did not seem happy about. Then Lee did the same thing, bringing up Eric and Iggy’s argument and informing her that he heard Eric screaming at Iggy and being generally aggressive.
Rachel — who at this point was probably exhausted from mediating the petty drama amongst all of these grown men — decided to sit down with Eric to discuss the new developments. Eric responded by denying ever having questioned her or how genuine her intentions are, and she decided to take his word for it — but not without warning him that her antennas are up now.
At that point, Eric called all the men into the living room and promptly proceeded to go off on Lee … but we’ll have to wait for next week to see how that goes down.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.