Andi Dorfman is opening up about why she chose to freeze her eggs.
The former Bachelorette appeared on Good Morning America Tuesday to promote her newly released book, Single State of Mind. (Dorfman, 30, is also the author of New York Times bestseller It’s Not Okay, a tell-air memoir released in May 2016 that details her experience with the Bachelor franchise — and her split from ex-fiancé Josh Murray.)
Speaking to GMA‘s Michael Strahan, Dorfman touched on the chapter of her book in which she chronicles her decision to freeze her eggs, admitting that she initially “did not want to do it.”
“I felt like I was about to hit 30 years old, and I had heard a lot of friends talking about it,” she explained. “I always felt like, ‘Oh, I’ll always be at that age, I’ve got this, no worries!’ — and I realized I was on the brink of 30 and didn’t have a husband, didn’t have a boyfriend.”
“I knew I still wanted kids, and so I kind of had to push aside my ego and push aside this feeling of embarrassment and failure and not being at a point in my life where I thought I would be, and just kind of make a smart decision,” she said.
“I chose to write about it for that exact reason,” she continued. “I felt like there were probably women out there that feel the same way, that feel a little bit embarrassed or ashamed and still want a family but aren’t there yet, and I wanted to share that kind of side of it.”
In her book, Dorfman goes into further detail about the experience, admitting that there were times that she felt like quitting.
“Sometimes, I think I’m done,” she writes. “I don’t think I want to do this anymore. Why am I putting myself through all this? The needles aren’t painful, but the tears are. What is the point of it all? I’m probably going to end up alone forever anyway, so why go through this? But then I wake up the next morning and feel differently.”
Dorfman also admits to feeling “embarrassed and ashamed” at times, instead of “empowered.”
“When I was a young girl, I dreamed of being married and having kids and the whole white-picket-fence s—,” she writes. “I dreamed of it all. Except for freezing my eggs. So I’m not going to lie and say that doing what I’m doing feels like the proudest moment of my life. Instead, I’ll just keep it real and say I think I made the smartest decision I’ve ever made in my life by doing it. I’m pushing aside internal pressure, social norms, and, most of all, my ego and facing my own reality.”
“The reality is that I still want all of those things I dreamed of when I was younger,” she continues. “I still want the husband, the children, maybe more of a penthouse in the city than a picket fence, but I still want a life like that. I’m just not there yet. I want to be, but I’m not.”
Dorfman underwent the process with the help of season 19 Bachelor winner Whitney Bischoff, who works as a fertility nurse and was previously engaged to Chris Soules. Soules made it to the final three on Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette in 2014 before leading his own season of The Bachelor in 2015.
Asked on GMA if it was strange to go through something like freezing her eggs with her ex-boyfriend’s ex-fiancée, Dorfman laughed.
“I mean, it sounds weird, but I don’t really see Chris as my ex-boyfriend,” she told Strahan. “Yes, he’s her ex-fiancé, but you know, when you date 25 men at a time, they’re not exactly all your exes. But it was great — it was nice to have a familiar face in a very unfamiliar setting for me.”
Dorfman also opened up about her experience with a dating app she refers to as “celebrity Tinder,” which she signed up for at the suggestion of Bachelor franchise host Chris Harrison, who has become one of her close friends.
“Basically, he had fashioned it into a dating app that is very selective,” she told Strahan. “I found it a little pretentious, but I went on it and out of it came a ton of disastrous dates that you can read about in the book. And I blame Chris Harrison for every single one of those bad dates!”
RELATED VIDEO: Josh Murray Thinks His Ex-Fiancée Andi Dorfman and Nick Viall ‘Should Have Ended Up Together’
As for whether she’s found love yet?
“I don’t know,” she said, playing coy. “Then I would give away book number three if I told you!”
But what Dorfman could say was that she thinks there’s “absolutely” nothing wrong with staying single.
“Actually, I’ve had the best three years of my life being single here in New York City,” she said. “I think especially as a woman, you learn so much about yourself, you are empowered — we’re living in a time now where women have voices, women are strong, women can be empowered and empower others, and I think you never truly know yourself until you are independent.”
Single State of Mind is out now.