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They Said What? for Dec. 21, 2004

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• “I hate being bothered by paparazzi. Anyone would. The flip side of that coin: I’m one lucky bastard, and I have nothing to complain about.”
The Aviator’s Leonardo DiCaprio, on fame

• “It’s a nice gift, but there’s a lot of wrapping and paper and junk to cut through.”
The Life Aquatic’s Bill Murray, echoing Leo’s sentiment about celebrity

• “I’m getting better at being married and living with somebody who, for lack of a better phrase, irks me sometimes. I can disagree with what he says but I don’t love him less. I’m getting better at loving my husband unconditionally.”
Madonna, to the Early Show, about how Kabbalah has helped her marriage

• “It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife, Madonna, in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.”
Tina Fey, on SNL’s “Weekend Update”

• “I still love her and care tremendously for her, and it’s important to add that we have every intention of being in each other’s lives.”
Ellen DeGeneres, on her ex-girlfriend of four years, Alexandra Hedison. DeGeneres is now dating Portia de Rossi

• “It’s a very serious downer of a movie. So I’m gonna be shocked if anyone goes to see this thing.”
Jim Carrey, whose new film Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events was No. 1 at the box office in its opening weekend

• “I had a security guard stalking me every time I went to the bathroom.”
Kate Beckinsale, on the $15 million in jewelry she and her castmates wore in The Aviator (in which she plays screen legend Ava Gardner)

• “For the holidays, Paris Hilton has a brand-new perfume with a secret ingredient … Coincidentally, San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds also has a cologne for the holidays with a secret ingredient, but he swears he has no idea what’s in it.”
David Letterman

• “I feel good.”
James Brown, quoting his classic song after undergoing surgery for prostate cancer