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The Week's Best Celeb Quotes

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Brian Hineline / Retna

• “I refuse to be anything other than what I am. I literally get into the clothes at the end of the bed. If somebody doesn’t take them off and wash them, things would probably get a bit high.”
– Rock star-humanitarian Bono, Time’s Person of the Year, proving he’s just a regular guy

• “I don’t (expletive) belong here! Why don’t you just put a gun to my head and shoot me! You’ve already taken my freedom! You might as well take my life too!”
Lost’s Michelle Rodriguez, after her arrest on drunken-driving charges, according to police and court documents

• “I was asked on Access (Hollywood), ‘Did you kiss the monkey like you kissed Halle?’ I didn’t have a smart retort, but I said, ‘That’s in the sequel.’ “
King Kong’s Adrien Brody

• “He was my brother … I adored him. “
Martin Sheen, on West Wing costar John Spencer, who died suddenly last week

• “You’re in the middle of nowhere. Get a ranch with the guy. Stop torturing these two poor women and get a room. What’s the problem?”
Nathan Lane, criticizing Golden Globe-nominated Brokeback Mountain, on the Today show

• “We never had any serious groupies, anyway. Our generation got screwed.”
– Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo, on how he’s been able to fulfill his vow of celibacy for more than two years, to Blender

Scarlett Johansson
Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage
• “He just really rarely requires that his actors go to the gym, which was a plus for me. And I didn’t have to hang from a 50-foot building.”
Scarlett Johansson, on her role in Match Point and the film’s director, Woody Allen

• “Good morning, and welcome to the last show on terrestrial radio.”
Howard Stern

• “I’m trying to watch my weight because I know when I get home I’m gonna probably gain 5 pounds because I’m gonna eat that food five days in a row.”
Beyonce, on Mom’s holiday cooking