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Celeb-Itaphs: Stars Write Their Headstones

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Steve Carell (The 40-Year-Old Virgin): “I did the best I could, but clearly, I’m dead.”

Carrie Underwood: “It will probably say ‘American Idol,’ even if it’s 2080!”

Robert Downey, Jr.: “Gimme back my money.”

Adrian Grenier (Entourage): “He kept it real, from 1976 to whenever.”

Selma Blair: “I’m taking this one from Isaac Mizrahi: ‘Finally.’ There will be no more worrying about death.”

Mo Rocca: “Neither of his kids was named Phinnaeus nor Hazel.”

Kirsten Dunst: “I’m 23 years old. I’m too young (to feel mortality).”

Chris Harrison (The Bachelor): “This is your final rose.”

Steve Carell
Sara De Boer/Retna
Andrew Firestone (The Bachelor): ” ‘Super Bowl MVP, Major League World Series MVP, nicest guy in the world.’ Actually, how about this: ‘Wasn’t a pain in the ass.’ ”

Diane von Furstenberg: “It’s a wrap.”

Damien Fahey (MTV veejay): “I am not Carson Daly.”

Fran Drescher: “Her laugh made them laugh.”

Morgan Freeman: “Shucks, I was having such a good ride.”

Chevy Chase: “Dig ’em up!”

For more celebrity Chatter, see this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.