For four weeks, PEOPLE reporter Maria Yagoda is committing her entire life to getting red carpet ready, using celeb-approved, beautifying tips and tricks, from extreme fitness classes to colon hydrotherapy to major diet changes. Here’s how week three went:
What Is It: Eye lash extensions, microneedle facial, colon hydrotherapy, beauty IV drip…
Who Tried It: Maria Yagoda, PEOPLE Writer/Reporter
Level of Difficulty: 7 — This was my most terrifying week yet.
My month-long journey to get red carpet-ready — trying all the procedures and processes and treatments the celebs do to get head-to-toe beautiful — is nearing an end, and I am very, very tired. So far, I’ve sugared off my hair, given up gluten and dairy, taken an intense fitness class that almost broke me, whitened my teeth and tried to tone up my thighs with a strange device called the FasciaBlaster.
But week three was even more intense, because there were needles (and my colon!) involved.
Just one week left until I hit the red carpet, I was ready for the final stretch.
MICRONEEDLE FACIAL (AND A BOOBCIAL …)
I’m not scared of needles, per se, but I don’t love them. Does anyone love needles? They’re super sharp and the last place I want them is near my face. Luckily for me, my next treatment was a microneedle facial.
A microneedle facial is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of tiny little needles go into your face. Filled with good stuff like collagen and growth agent, the treatment is meant to fill in acne scars and fine lines and make your skin smoother, plumper and more supple, qualities I didn’t even know skin was supposed to have.
I went to Dr. Howard Sobel’s office on the Upper East Side nervous about the possibility that my face would get ripped apart, but excited about the possibility of a future filled with makeup-free selfies.
So, did it hurt? Not really. It feels like a bunch of tiny little pinches. The only thing that disturbed me was just the knowledge that needles were on my face, not so much the sensation. Which means: If you hate needles, do not do this. Just go to CVS and get a sheet mask and call it a night.
After the process, my skin felt super soft, though it remained red for the rest of the day. (This is normal). The next morning, my acne scars were less visible, and the tone of my skin felt smoother and more even.
Before I left Dr. Sobel’s office, he offered me a hydrofacial treatment on my chest, which I immediately started calling a boob facial, or a boobcial. Stars will get boobcials before a red carpet, so their cleavage glistens and glows as it should. (I don’t know who I am anymore.)
The treatment made the skin above and on my boobs magically soft and even-toned! I never knew that was an area I even had to be insecure about, but now I could never go back to the way it was before, all bumpy and stuff. I guess this will just be a lifelong expense for me.
COLON HYDROTHERAPY AND BEAUTY IV DRIP
Cost: $250 total
When I agreed to do this whole month-long process, I didn’t know my butt would get involved, but I couldn’t have been more wrong! The worst part is, that’s not the first time I’ve said that sentence. Another story for another time.
Before a red carpet, celebrities will often get a colonic, which is the process of flushing out all the waste in your colon. A nozzle is inserted in your rectum and basically water-blasts everything out. You can lose up to 5 lbs. of waste, plus immediately notice a reduction in bloat and a flattening of the stomach. Obviously, this would be essential if I were going to wear a curve-hugging dress. Colons are basically poop suitcases, and I needed to unpack.
When I entered Fluid Water Therapy office in Flatiron, I was terrified, but soon soothed by the poop emoji pillows scattered on the couch and the books on the coffee table, which included Everybody Poops and The Gas We Pass. This was clearly a safe space.
I lay down on the bed-like structure, inserted the nozzle into my rectum and spent the next hour getting flushed out. I lost a pound! Laying back as it happened was actually super relaxing. I didn’t feel any pain at all.
After the butt stuff, I got a beauty IV drip. IVs are very popular among celebrities and models looking to get a glow before a major event. Having been poked and prodded for weeks now, I wasn’t phased by the needle, and the next morning, I did notice more of a glow in my face, thanks to the nutrients in the IV. Maybe it was placebo effect? Whatever. Confidence is confidence, even if the change was all in my head.
I would also like to give a shout out to Nigel, the in-office Yorkie I cuddled with after getting my insides flushed out.
He’s a really good boy.
I’m going to start this section by saying that getting eye lash extensions is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever. Do not accuse me of exaggerating, because I am dead serious.
Clementina Richardson, the founder of Envious Lashes, did an incredible job analyzing my face and choosing the lash length/style that would accentuate my features. After I lay down on the bed so she could get to work applying the lashes, which last up to a month, I actually fell asleep for five minutes of the hour-long process. It was the first hour I’ve spent not looking at my phone since … childhood? Super relaxing. And when I emerged and looked in the mirror, I shrieked. I looked like I was wearing a beautifying Snapchat filter, but that was just my face. The lashes were a look. I couldn’t stop taking selfies for the remainder of the workday.
I don’t even need to apply mascara anymore. That saves me three minutes a day! I’m obsessed.
Stay tuned for the final day of carpet prep, when Maria will undergo a full day of glam and hit up an actual red carpet.