1 of 11
"Your closest association with a superhero would’ve been in 2001 when you got busted in a cheap hotel with a woman dressed as Batgirl."
– Best Visual Effects co-presenter , reminding Iron Man star where he’d be without technicians – and ribbing him about his infamous 2000 arrest, when he was caught with cocaine and a young lady in a Wonder Woman costume
2 of 11
"I just saw Marky Mark."
– grandmother, sharing a celeb sighting (Mark Wahlberg!) from her seat in the audience
3 of 11
"You’re pretty good-looking yourself. What are you doing later on?"
– The Fighter’s Melissa Leo, propositioning presenter Kirk Douglas after her Best Supporting Actress win
4 of 11
"I, um, I’m Banksy."
– , pretending to be the mysterious graffiti artist, who’s left his tell-tale markings around L.A. recently
5 of 11
"Roxy Sorkin, your father just won the Academy Award. I’m going to have to insist on some respect from your guinea pig."
– The Social Network scribe Aaron Sorkin, teasing his daughter after winning the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay
6 of 11
"Yo. My Oscar-winning performance as a queen was much more realistic than Colin Firth’s as a king."
– Presenter Russell Brand, jokingly translating Helen Mirren’s French comments into English
7 of 11
"Melissa… I’m not gonna drop the F-bomb like she did. I’ve done that plenty before."
– The Fighter’s , referencing foul-mouthed costar Leo and his own swear-laden rant, after winning Best Supporting Actor
8 of 11
– , commenting on The Wolfman’s graphic transformation before presenting the movie with the Oscar for Best Makeup
9 of 11
"I’m afraid that I have to warn you that I’m experiencing the stirrings of something in the upper abdominals which are threatening to form themselves into dance moves, which joyous as they may be for me, it’d be extremely problematic if they make it to my legs before I get off stage."
– Best Actor winner , cautioning the audience about his dancing skills
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"The first televised Oscars was in 1953. I was 5 years old. So for those of you who stink in math, I’m 47."
– Former Oscar host Billy Crystal – who turns 63 on March 14
11 of 11
"You got to wear a tuxedo, so I wore this. The weird part is I just got a text message from Charlie Sheen."
– , taking a shot at the troubled actor’s playboy ways after appearing onstage in Marilyn Monroe-style drag
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