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"No matter what I do, they’re there. I looked in the mirror and I was like, ‘Oh God.’ But what am I going to do? They’re always there."
– 2 Broke Girls’s Kat Dennings, on finding a dress that could handle her ample bosom
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"There’s a lot of body shaving happening before the event."
"I have to do his back, and then I do the slow fade along his neck so it looks natural."
– Girls executive producer Judd Apatow and wife Leslie Mann, on his pre-Emmys grooming ritual
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"I’m just happy to be here. Amanda Bynes just gave me a ride over."
– Jimmy Fallon, on making it to the red carpet with the (imaginary) aid of traffic-challenged
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"I like the slit."
"My chest comes up to the top of your slit. Just so you know."
– Project Runway’s and red-carpet interviewer , on her leg-baring dress
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"Do you think I made the right choice?"
– Modern Family’s , on her Emmys dress
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"Let’s not forget: In a way, all of you are winners tonight, but in a much more literal way, most of you will be losers. The important thing is we get out of here and you can put on your fat pants."
– Emmys host Jimmy Kimmel, on winners and losers
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"Lord, I wore out that poster of Duckie."
– Mike & Molly’s Melissa McCarthy, reminiscing about Jon Cryer in Pretty in Pink
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"This is particularly satisfying, because Betty White always kicks my ass at my mixed martial-arts class."
– Dancing with the Stars’s Tom Bergeron, on beating out Betty White for best host of a reality or reality-competition program
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"I’m not in the kind of shape I should be in to do a bit with Jimmy Fallon, who’s in very good shape. Sonofab–."
– Jon Stewart, after doing a slapstick routine with fellow best variety series nominees Fallon and Stephen Colbert, on his way to the winners’ dais
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"I feel so validated, because Sarah Palin gave me a big thumbs down."
– Julianne Moore, on winning the Emmy for lead actress in a miniseries for her role playing the former vice-presidential candidate in Game Change
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"We’re told that laughter is the best medicine. We were also told Facebook was a bargain at $36 a share. One of those things was true."
– Five-time Emmy winner Michael J. Fox, introducing the nominees for best comedy series