1 of 15
"How about we make this dressing room an undressing room?"
– Bridesmaids nominee Melissa McCarthy, seducing host Billy Crystal backstage
2 of 15
"When they called my name I had this feeling I could hear half of America going, ‘Oh no … her again.’ But, whatever."
– Meryl Streep, accepting her award for Best Actress (for The Iron Lady)
3 of 15
"As my grandma used to say, it can be short and still make your toes curl. And I believe in my heart my grandma wasn’t referring to wieners but short films."
– Maya Rudolph, presenting the award for Best Short Film
4 of 15
"If somebody asks you who you’re wearing, you can say Kim Jong-il."
– "The Dictator" a.k.a. Sacha Baron Cohen, after dumping an urn of powder all over tuxedo on the red carpet
5 of 15
"The great film director Ridley Scott said that the collaboration between a film editor and a director is like a marriage."
"And just like in marriage, they spent all of their time in a dark windowless room, ordering in food and looking at pictures of other people."
– and , respectively, introducing the film editing nominees
6 of 15
"One of our nominees will join the ranks of previous winners ‘When You Wish Upon a Star,’ ‘Moon River,’ ‘The Way We Were’ and ‘It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.’ "
– Zach Galifianakis (with Will Ferrell), presenting the award for Best Original Song
7 of 15
"I love shooting in L.A. I love the energy, the lights, the American faces and the cinnamon rolls."
– Best Actor winner Jean Dujardin, to Robin Roberts, on the perks of filming in Hollywood
8 of 15
"Clooney just walked by; he drank it all."
– Best Actor nominee Demién Bichir, joking to that drained his flask
9 of 15
"You’re only two years older than me, darling. Where have you been all my life?"
– Best Supporting Actor winner Christopher Plummer, to his long-awaited Oscar
10 of 15
"If I knew what you said I could probably answer you, so I’ll say, ‘Yes, yes, yes and no.’"
– A confused Nick Nolte, to ABC’s heavily accented British commentator Louise Roe
11 of 15
"If you’re a white man you can play an Arabian prince. And if you’re a black man you can play a donkey or a zebra. You can’t play white, my god."
– Presenter Chris Rock, on the “magic” of making animated movies
12 of 15
"One quick note … since my mother spoke German to us growing up, my Chinese has a very slight German accent."
– A silly before speaking in German, not Mandarin, to present Best Foreign Language Film
13 of 15
"We should have some banter where you act cocky, and then I shut you down and you say I look pretty, and I say, ‘No chance, funny boy,’ and everybody laughs but you seem okay with it."
– to stoic co-presenter Ben Stiller
14 of 15
"It’s documented forever now. Not the most flattering, but genuine."
– Jessica Chastain, on the photos of her receiving her Oscar nomination call during Paris Fashion Week
15 of 15
"I’m just like … I just got a visual of where I am right now. I’m sorry, this is crazy."
– "I only wish I could hear the narrative in your head."
"It’s just like bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh. That’s what’s happening."
– Kristen Wiig, explaining to a wishful how it feels to be at the Oscars